The plot thickens in the race to be the No. 5 starter for the 2010 Yanks. George A. King III writes that Yankees skipper Joe Girardi has told Joba Chamberlain that he has “got to pick it up” and “show us” if he wants to make a bid for that elusive final spot in the rotation. Joltin’ Joe Girardi-o also said that a poor performance on Wednesday against the Phils wouldn’t eliminate Joba from contention for the final spot, and “he will pitch again.” The hard-throwing righty heads into the World Series rematch with a 27.00 ERA in Spring Training action.

Although we shouldn’t put too much emphasis on the results of these exhibition games, it has been a neck and neck competition for the fifth spot. So whatever happens when things work themselves out, the Yanks should have a solid No. 5 starter AND a shut-down bullpen. (Knocking on wood as fast as I can)

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Elsewhere in the universe:

• Don’t go buying those Sergio Mitre jerseys just yet, he could be on his way out. Even worse, he could be shipping up to Boston — a fate worse than death.
• CC and AJ to get better in 2010? I’m in. (Just put a hole through my wooden coffee table)
• Yankees.com put together the All-Decade team. That’s one helluva ball club; if they were ever to take the field, they’d probably make a bid for the 1998 team’s record.
• Boone Logan owes Ryan Howard a coke. The slugger lined a pitch off Damaso Marte’s back, and if Marte misses any time Logan would be the next in line to make the club. Should have been you, Carl Pavano.
• Boy would I love to party with Ron Washington.

Happy St. Patrick's Day from Yanks Go Yard (photo: section59.com)

Deadspin founder Will Leitch “previews” the Yankees 2010 season. His pretentiousness can be summed up in this excerpt:  “The only True Yankee is a winning Yankee.” Nice. On second thought, it’s not so much a preview as it is a slam on all things pinstriped. Then again, what should I have expected from Deadspin?

So, with all due respect to Ken Tremendous, dak, Junior and Co., I will attempt to FJM his Matoonian ass (and fail MISERABLY in comparison).

I never quite understand when a baseball team says a guy just “isn’t a good fit.”

Are you stupid? Maybe the guy is a self-important asshole and nobody likes him. Maybe he brings so much negativity to the clubhouse that it takes a toll on the other players/coaches/manager. Maybe a pitcher’s shitty clubhouse demeanor wears on teammates and they don’t feel like laying out for a fly ball. Maybe they resent a player’s high salary/contract demands and that divides the clubhouse. Maybe a player just signed a big deal and doesn’t feel like legging out a ground ball. Maybe a player is just lazy (like Robby Cano, j/k) and doesn’t mesh well. Can you understand that?

This is baseball, in which one man stands at the plate, facing another man, and no one else is particularly involved at all.

Except for the manager. Imagine a situation where Player X is in a contract year and wants to build up his stats to secure a big deal in the offseason. Player X is at bat with a runner on second and less than two outs — a situation where you want to ground the ball to the right side to advance the runner. However, Player X doesn’t want to do that in a contract year so he swings away and makes an out, which eventually goes to thwart the RISP. Do you think the rest of the team will be happy he did that?

The ability to interact with others, whether it’s one’s teammates, one’s fans, or one’s city, strikes me as irrelevant. If you are unable to block out the clutter that surrounds you when you are at the plate or on the mound, it is bewildering that you could reach the Major Leagues in the first place.

Really? Ask Milton Bradley what he thinks about that statement. Maybe if fans are shouting racial slurs (which has been known to happen once or twice at Yankee Stadium) or other demeaning remarks at a player — or the papers are slamming said player for lack of productivity — it inhibits his ability to lay off the “1-2 slider in the dirt”. Jesus Christ I can’t believe I just defended Milton Bradley.

Derek Jeter is the perfect Yankee, obviously, at least until there’s a potential contract disagreement, in which case he’ll become the player who doesn’t realize how good the Yankees have been for him. (This is unlikely to happen, but GM Brian Cashman is savvy and knows that, idolatry aside, paying Jeter $25 million a year for the next five years isn’t a smart play…)

I’d bet dollars to dimes no Yankee fan EVER mutters an ill-word about Derek Jeter. Even if he leaves after his contract is up, signs with the BoSox (God forbid) and eventually wins them a WS, I can’t imagine a Yankee fan ever taking Jeter’s name in vain. We will never see the day.

However, I have to give Will points for admitting this is unlikely to happen.

It might not be a smart play to give him 5 years at $25 million, but he just came off one of his best defensive seasons and was in consideration for the MVP (as foolish as that was). Who’s to say that he can’t keep up this production for a few more years? (For the record, I think the Yanks offer Jeet a deal in the range of four years/$20 million per.)

Last year’s Yankee championship happened because everything broke right…

As opposed to every championship, in which things break the wrong way.

A.J. Burnett would seem exactly the type of player Yankees fans would chafe against, but because he stayed healthy and learned how to put shaving cream in a hand towel, he’s now in the upper echelon. It’s a constant shifting of the goalposts.

It’s kind of like how Phillie fans wanted to run J-Roll out of town for the “front runners” comment…until he won them a World Series. Now he’s as beloved as any other Phillie. You could make the same argument for Pat Burrell. But he’s right, Yankee fans are the worst fans; the goalposts only shift in the Bronx, nowhere else. And FYI, they don’t use shaving cream, they use whipped cream. Idiot.

The rest of us might look at the addition of Javier Vazquez and think, “Damn, the Yankees just grabbed an ace as their fourth starter.” Yankees fans say, “Man, that guy can’t pitch in New York! We haven’t forgotten 2004!”

Really? You’d be willing to forget/forgive a guy who gave up a grand slam in the deciding game in one of the worst playoff collapses in sports history? Mr. Leitch, imagine, as a Cards fan, the Holliday situation from last year magnified 100,000,000 times. Would you be able to trust that player ever again? If so, I guess you are a better man than I.

Until you win one, here, you’re nothing. (Unless you’re Don Mattingly.)

Urge to kill fading; he left Hitman alone.

It has been a long decade since the Yankees won a World Series before last season, and it is to Yankees fans’ credit that they’ve forgotten so much of the negativity of that decade now that they’re back on the throne. But it always comes back.

Urge to kill rising.

And Curtis Granderson: I know everyone thinks he’s the perfect Yankee, and he’s obviously a personal, friendly fellow. But he’s due for a dropoff this year, and all it will take will be one or two misplays in center and a .220 average in April for the tide to start to turn.

A dropoff from hitting .249 the year prior? Let’s hope not. I don’t think any fan would cheer for that. Not even the “greatest fans in sports” would put up with that shit. Also, I don’t think he’ll match his 30 homers from 2009, but you never know in the new Yankee Stadium. Furthermore, he went from hitting .280/.365/.494 in 2008 to hitting .249/.327/.453 last year. I say he’s due for a bounce-back year, forget the dropoff. And as far as the misplays in the outfield go, Johnny Damon wasn’t exactly the strongest fielder but he was still loved…while with the team.

Where’s Buzz Bissinger when you need him?

I regret having had to write this; I am a huge fan of Deadspin and Will Leitch (and always will be), but I can’t take it when people group all Yankee fans together as knuckle-dragging, beer-swilling, ignoramuses that only the follow the team during good times. Sure, there are plenty of yahoos in and around 161st St. and River Ave, but can any ballclub say that all its fans are well-behaved, knowledgeable, disciples of the game? You know, except for the St. Louis Cardinals.

I thought only Yankee fans were allowed to act uncouth (photo: riverfronttimes.com)

My sincerest apologies go out to the readers of Yanks Go Yard for the lack of FJM-quality this post has compared to the Real McCoy. I am no Cousin Mose, by any means.

According to George A. King III, the Toronto Blue Jays are close to acquiring Cuban shortstop Adeinis Hechavarria for $10 million. Despite a strong interest from the Bombers, Adey apparently didn’t want to wait until Jeter hangs up his cleats to take over at short, and was unwilling to move to second base (if A-Rod is willing to switch positions for the Yanks, why wouldn’t this little shit?). WHAT?!?!?!?!? The Yankees missed out on signing a prized free agent — to a division rival? Everything I know is wrong…up is day, down is night. To make matters worse, the news comes on the heels of the Yankees looking like dogshit in a 10-5 loss to the Pirates (although they did show heart in the ninth inning).

It’s funny how after the team got rid of the best pitcher in baseball a coveted free agent WANTS to go and play there. Oh well it’s his loss; I hope he has fun finishing 20 games out of first place every single season.

On the bright side, at least he didn’t go to the Sox.

• In other potentially crippling news, Jeet and Mo could find themselves in the middle of the Roger Clemens/Andy Dick Brain McNamee episode. Great, just what this team needs — more PED-related distractions.

• In lighter news, there’s a great read from the Daily News on the upbringing of Mariano Rivera. The article is lengthy as a bastard, but well worth it.

Half of the Yanks fell to Johnny Damon and the Tigers, 6-2, but the other half defeated the O’s, 5-3, to move the team’s Spring Training record to 5-6.

Damon got the best of the Yanks, as the coward went 2-4 with a homer and 2 RBI. But perhaps the main thing to take away from this game is that Frankie Cervelli is hitting .667  for the spring! Plus, Jeet and Tex both collected a pair of hits.

However, Gaudin yielded three runs on five hits over three innings of work while Mitre also gave up three runs on five hits over four frames. Boone Logan tossed a scoreless inning in the setback.

In the win, Posada went 3-for-4 with two RBI and scored while Brandon Laird, Cano and Nick The Stick each had two hits. Johnson also drove in a run, scored a twice and, are you ready for this, STOLE A BASE!!!! No word on if he was injured on the play, but it’s good to see him contributing.

Vazquez got the win after going three innings and surrendering two runs on four hits. Meanwhile Ace and Royce Ring both registered holds before D-Rob notched the save with a scoreless ninth.

It was great to have baseball back after consecutive rainouts, I just wish at least one of these games was on in my neck of the woods. Living out of market sucks. I wish they had an Extra Innings-type thing you could order for ST games…or maybe if you order the regular season package early enough you get the spring games too. Something, anything.

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• Mo and Damaso Marte will make their ST debuts on Tuesday night against the Astros, with Chan Ho making his first appearance later in the week.
• The Yanks agreed to terms with 18 pre-arbitration-eligible players.
• Pitching coach Dave Eiland maintains that there has been no clear leader in the race for the fifth and final spot in the rotation. I’m not going to call anyone a liar, but I have obtained this photo of Mr. Eiland’s pants.
• Derek Jeter (who has drawn comparisons to Troy Tulowitzki recently) said he feels Jose Reyes’ pain and wishes him luck battling the injury bug. I didn’t think it was possible, but I just lost a little bit of respect for Derek Jeter. How could he possibly wish good luck to a Met? What is this world coming to?
• Grandy’s “Long” road to redemption just got a little shorter. Kevbo started working on Grandy’s swing well before he was even in pinstripes.
• George Steinbrenner expected at Opening Day. Well, actually, the home opener; I don’t think he would be too welcome in Fenway.

Thursday’s game was rained out. It seems to be raining shit on Yankee fans today. First, video of Yankee Stadium being torn down surfaced on the internet and now there’s no baseball to watch. Life sucks.

However, there is some good news on the Yankees front. They are apparently the favorites to land prized shortstop Adeinis Hechevarria. Adey, who has been compared physically to Alfonso Soriano (not sure if that means he’s a string bean or he’ll bitch about what position he’ll play), would be wise to sign with the Yanks. If they sign him, assuming they ink Jeet to a four-year deal, he could spend a few years in the minors and be ready to take over for Captain when he either retires or moves to another position. Plus, I’m sure he’d get quite the lucrative deal…not the proverbial bag of chips (Torii Hunter’s words, not mine). I think it’s a no-brainer.

RAB remembers the John Wetteland trade. I love him for that ‘96 campaign, but his hat was friggin’ nasty…Jeet’s got the flu. Maybe that’s why they canceled the game…Take a tip from Franke Cervelli: always use protection. You can never be too careful…Finally, check out what this handsome Italian has to say about the Yankees and other assorted Spring Training topics. Don’t make fun though, it was my first time on a podcast.

24 more days until Opening Day!!! (photo: nbcsports.com)

Oh. My. God.

It’s so very sad, I’m at a loss for words. The end of an era.

Anyhoo, the Yanks are in action tonight on MLB Network against the Bravos and former Pinstriper Melky Cabrera. AJ Burnett is on the bump, and hopefully he’ll make us all forget about the destruction.

Expect a lengthier post following the action…and after I dry my tears. STRONG MEN ALSO CRY.

Despite a 12-7 setback to the Pirates on Tuesday, Nick Johnson looked like his back woes are a thing of the past as he stroked a pair of homers. The lefty had a better day than another lefty who shall remain nameless (hint: he weighs almost 300 pounds). But it’s still early and CC is notorious for starting off slow, so it’s not a big concern for the Yanks. CC himself even admitted that he stunk:

I was terrible, location was just bad, I was collapsing on my backside, and everything is up. I guess it’s going to take a while. I got to get my secondary pitches going.

As I said before, it’s early and these games DO NOT matter; so it’s better that he gets it out of the way now rather than shitting the bed on April 4 in Fenway. But either way, five runs on seven hits in 2 1/3 innings should strike fear into all fans’ hearts. Very un-CC, especially coming off a 19-win campaign. As the old saying goes: you can’t win ‘em all.

On the bright side, Grandy checked in with his first hit of the Spring, a triple; Jon Weber knocked in a pair of runs and Royce Ring registered a hold. But the back end of the bullpen (Hector Noesi, Boone Logan) was caught with fecal matter in their respective davenports.

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Francisco Cervelli said he feels “100 percent” and expects to catch on Friday against the Nats. He went through a full workout Tuesday and admitted it “was a little weird but nothing bad.” That is a relief because he estimates he’s been hit in the head 10 times during his career…the Italian Stallion has taken more shots to the head than Jenna Jameson. (Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week. Just remember the 9:30 show is completely different than the 7:30)

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The Rangers acquired Edwar Ramirez from the Yankees for cash considerations. Ramirez was designated for assignment late in February to make room for Chan Ho Park…Mums the word when it comes to A-Rod and his newest allegations. This guy might make Hall of Fame voters reconsider voting for Pete Rose, which is a complement by no means…Are you ready for some football? Because Yankee Stadium is, and it will host the inaugural New Era Pinstripe Bowl on December 30 of this year to prove it. What is the Pinstripe Bowl, you might ask. It is only the premier bowl game that pits the third-best Big East team against the sixth-best Big 12 team. Yikes…The Yanks and D’Bags have “fawned over” 18-year-old Dominican righty Carlos Matias, who had a deal in place with Boston last year but ruined it by Danny Almonteing his age. A highly-touted prospect that screwed over the Red Cox? The Yanks better sign him on principle alone…Speaking of the Red Cox, Dice-K said he wants to play another 10 years in MLB. That’s OK with me, just so long as he keeps putting up a 4-6 record with a 5.76 ERA for Beantown.