Yankees announce jersey sleeve patch sponsor in evil All-Star Game news dump

Hope you're ready for big ol' squares on the Yankees' pinstripe jerseys.

New York Yankees v Seattle Mariners
New York Yankees v Seattle Mariners / Rob Leiter/GettyImages

Well. We knew it was coming. But that doesn't make it any easier to swallow.

No, we're not talking about the Aaron Judge injury timeline. That remains a complete Yankees mystery! We're referring to the insidious jersey sleeve patches, which seem to be arriving for all of MLB within the calendar year. You can't run and hide. Eventually, a slapped-on corporate logo comes for all of your sleeves. And going sleeveless will only make it worse.

Some franchises botch this money grab worse than others. Somehow, Steve Cohen's Mets made the biggest faux pas, slapping a mega-sized "New York-Presbyterian" patch on their sleeves in Philadelphia Phillies colors before reversing things. Some teams go local, but still get controversial; no one seems to be buying the Braves' "local boy made good" story of the yellow Quikrete slab.

As is tradition, the Yankees went relatively simple when they snuck in on All-Star break Wednesday and broke down the sponsorship door. That doesn't make their Starr Insurance patch any easier to swallow, though.

Now all we need is a Yankees City Connect jersey to complete the Hal Steinbrenner sellout set. Mum's the word on that one, but hey ... anything can happen.

Yankees home and road jerseys now have big, rectangle Starr Insurance patch

Pros: Patch isn't that large. Actually in team colors. Simple. Plain. Could be worse.

Cons: Random insurance company logo on sleeve of historic Yankees jerseys.

Oh, wait, another pro: I did just laugh thinking about a fan buying an authentic jersey and demanding the Starr Insurance patch on the side for an extra fee. "Wait ... do you guys not have the Starr patch? Ah, dang."

For a clearer look at the new threads, the Yankees showed off Judge in the home whites and Gerrit Cole in the road grays, staring down the camera like they were, uh, paid to stare it down by Starr Insurance.

We really couldn't have just done some dumb branded YES Network segment like the "Starr Star of the Game"? Eh, guess the time has passed. We're onto sleeve patches now. Hop on board the sell-out express or fall behind. Wouldn't want quadrillionaire Steve Cohen getting access to revenue streams the Yankees couldn't touch, right?

Hey, maybe this is the final domino needed for the Yankees to go over the luxury tax threshold and sign ... I don't know, Bryce Harper four years ago? Yuck. Too late. Starr Insurance could come in handy if I decide to break my television in anger during the second half, though. So that's nice.