Blue Jays postgame show's take on Yankees, Domingo Germán is wimpy and hypocritical

New York Yankees v Toronto Blue Jays
New York Yankees v Toronto Blue Jays / Vaughn Ridley/GettyImages

If you ever wanted to see three middle-aged white dudes with thinning hair pontificating about how the Yankees stole their lunch money and Major League Baseball is unfair, then look no further than the Toronto Blue Jays' postgame show, which appears to be made up of internet commenters who got lost while looking for Elon Musk's replies.

If you didn't know the second that Domingo Germán got kicked out of Tuesday's game for hand stickiness that the Toronto media was about to use this entirely unrelated incident to justify all the things they said should happen to Aaron Judge, then it must be your first day in the space.

Germán was determined to have too much tack on his hands. This was the second time in a month he's come under suspicion -- by the same umpiring crew -- and undoubtedly deserved to be ejected from the game for tempting fate. It was buffoonery. It was also not the first time a pitcher has been pinged for such a violation; it happened to Max Scherzer a few weeks back, and we all moved on while readily acknowledging that losing their ace so early put the Mets at a significant disadvantage.

But, oh, not the Blue Jays' postgame show. After the final out of their 5-3 loss, they didn't focus on Erik Swanson surrendering the tie-breaking homer to Judge in the eighth. They didn't focus on the fact that their team erased a 3-0 deficit after Germán exited, leaving the offense ample time to run away with the win themselves against soft-tossing fill-in Ryan Weber (they didn't). Instead, they pitched some special "Yankees Only" rule where if a Yankee is caught with sticky substances, the first three offending innings of the game ... shouldn't count?

Baseball games, in the minds of these three analysts, are won or lost at the very beginning, never mind that their team eventually evened the score. Pitchers like Germán, in the minds of these three analysts, are impossible to hit with tacky hands. There's no possible way to score against them, even though plenty of people seemed to score the occasional run before sticky stuff was even cracked down upon.

According to these fine fellows, the two teams played six innings of "correct" baseball, which was not enough to determine the game's outcome. "The message is cheat, until you get caught," said the man on the far right, ignoring entirely that Germán and the Yankees were immediately punished on Tuesday, while the Jays came up woefully short in their attempts to take advantage of said punishment.

Toronto Blue Jays postgame show comes off petulant, hypocritical in Domingo Germán discourse

Of course, this clip insinuating that any games the Blue Jays don't win should be restarted isn't the half of it.

The day before Germán painted his hand, the Jays and manager John Schneider decided the Yankees' coaches weren't in their designated boxes (they weren't, no one is). The team also decided Aaron Judge's sideways glances were an indicator of a vast cheating conspiracy (they weren't, the Blue Jays reliever who surrendered a homer to Judge admitted he was tipping his slider plainly). Insider Shi Davidi uploaded a clip that purported to show Yankees slugger Jake Bauers looking in the other dugout, but it was so blurry that nobody could see his eyes. This really happened.

And, after that game, where Judge did absolutely nothing wrong, this very same table full of three vanilla puddings said the Yankees' star should face chin music from Kevin Gausman. After Gausman didn't hit Judge, and after reliever Jay Jackson came out and admitted Judge hadn't stolen his signs through illicit means, they said that maybe Chris Bassitt should still do it on Wednesday anyway, just for fun.

So, the Yankees are a scourge on society because of a lie you made up and a sticky-handed pitcher, but the Blue Jays are the beacon of shining light because they spent 48 hours drooling over potentially injuring the American League MVP on purpose?

On behalf of the Yankees fan base, we're very sorry Domingo Germán retired nine Blue Jays batters efficiently to begin Tuesday's game. We really do apologize. But, like most, we're very happy that MLB hasn't yet outlawed nine-inning games in all their attempts to save time. We're thrilled that the game was allowed to continue, even though we were at a distinct disadvantage, scraping the bottom of our bullpen barrel.

Unlike you, though, Toronto, we're glad we won. And we're glad this isn't the 1980s anymore, and that Judge still has his head on straight. We're glad that none of the three men on this dais have the Blue Jays manager's ear (even Schneider, apparently, has limits).

And we're very glad that the man on the left, who tried to end this segment with a banger of a sign-off ("This series, unlike Germán's hands, doesn't lack substance."), got his sentence entirely backwards. Germán's hands "didn't lack substance"; that was the entire point of your discussion.