Mets' laughable Pete Alonso backup plan could include absurd Yankees thievery

New York Mets fans and media are absolutely teeing off on David Stearns right now. Who knows, maybe Stearns has a masterplan to acquire Tarik Skubal and Fernando Tatis Jr. later this offseason and make all the hate go away (ESPN's Paul Hembekides linked the Mets to both players on December 11). Until then, or until Stearns improves the Mets roster in some fashion, he'll be advised to avoid dining out in New York City.

Joel Sherman of The New York Post described Stearns this week as having an "icy baseball soul." Is this the type of soul that yearns to replace Pete Alonso with a 38-year-old Paul Goldschmidt, or is Stearns simply trolling everyone at this point?

A new report reveals that the Mets are considering signing Paul Goldschmidt to help replace Pete Alonso at first base

A couple of hours after Jeff Passan's Alonso-Orioles bombshell on Wednesday, The Boston Globe's Tim Healey did further damage to Mets fans' collective psyche when he reported that the club has internally "floated" the following solution to replace Alonso at first: a platoon of Jeff McNeil and ... Goldschmidt!

If you're a Mets fan who isn't turned off enough by Goldy's advancing age, you should also be reminded that the former National League MVP slugged just 10 home runs in 146 games for the New York Yankees last season, the lowest HR figure by far in Goldschmidt's career during a season in which he's played at least 60 games.

Only Goldschmidt's rookie season (eight homers in 48 games) and the shortened 2020 season (six homers in 58 games) saw him slug less. In fact, prior to 2025, Goldschmidt had never hit fewer than 20 home runs during a season in which he's played 110 games or more.

The durability was there for Goldy last season in the Bronx, but the power was not. After a torrid start to the campaign, Goldschmidt cooled off considerably, and how could he not? There's nothing surprising or shame-inducing about wearing the badge of Father Time. Goldschmidt's had a heck of a career.

For some reason, Stearns is reportedly okay with the very worst part of that career happening in a Mets uniform. Maybe it's just a new fad in New York to acquired washed legends. Mets fans sure aren't interested in hopping on the trend.

If anything, a move like this from Stearns might weirdly signal that he truly does have colossal, franchise-changing transactions already locked down for later in the winter, be it Skubal, Tatis, or something else entirely. How else could Stearns feel so emboldened to make this team so much worse, unless he's positive it's all setting the stage for something grander?

Signing the slugless Goldschmidt as a platoon replacement for prime Alonso would be hilarious, if nothing else. The few Mets fans still possessing a dying ember of optimism within their own souls would have to assume that Goldy is Stearns' final, warm joke before the commencement of a cold-blooded spending spree in January.