Yankees' next Washed Legend signing feels obvious as bizarre offseason unfolds

I just want to spit this onto paper. I don't want this in my head anymore. This New York Yankees offseason feels vintage. Not in a pre-2004 "we own baseball!" kind of way, though — in the way where they don't understand quite how far behind they are, don't align on any of the league's best available players, and might get stuck paying some receding big names for a farewell tour instead.

With that in mind ... are we 100% sure the Yankees aren't a fit for Kenley Jansen, who would probably fall somewhere in between 2008 Pudge Rodriguez and 2025 Paul Goldschmidt on the Washed Legend Effectiveness Scale?

New York isn't California. And I'm not sure Jansen's beard is "well-trimmed". But the Yankees need a reliever with eighth-inning bonafides, and Jansen has no interest in hanging up his cleats. David Bednar proved to be a lockdown closer last summer, but beyond him, every single setup option has genuine warts.

Camilo Doval is evolving, and an offseason in the lab should do him good — but who's 100% confident? Jake Bird was demoted to Triple-A after three ruinous games, and didn't find his command down there, either. Fernando Cruz is a neutron bomb of a celebrator when he's able to get opposing hitters to swing over his splitter, but gets tattooed to the Star Wars Cantina when it's hanging. Tim Hill is Tim Hill. We love him.

It's likely that the Yankees eventually overload their rotation and send live arms like Will Warren and/or Luis Gil to the 'pen as multi-inning weapons, but they need to take a few more bites at the apple in the interim, and the sure things are quickly evaporating.

Would ... (gulp) Kenley Jansen be a fit for the Yankees bullpen?

Enter Jansen. He might be particular about how he's used. He might be both finicky and robotic at the same time. He might not be a fire-breather (and never was, honestly). But a 2.59 ERA and 57 Ks in 59 innings pitched with the Angels last year will still play if he can replicate it at (oh, God) age 38. He's running out of chances to win a ring. Can't the Yankees find some sort of middle ground where $7-8 million is enough for one more season aimed towards October? He tried Boston. He can't hate the climate. Come on, Kenley! Take Gregory Soto money, absorb some stray shots about your age during the offseason, then go out there and ride that 81st percentile expected batting average to the Bronx (don't, uh, look at the rest of the peripherals).

If you come to New York, we promise to be nicer to you than we were to 2005 Randy Johnson or 2011 Freddy Garcia.