Anthony Volpe-Aaron Boone dinner story is exactly what Yankees fans need

If you base all your offseason opinions on how Aaron Boone reacts to a formal speech at an Italian dinner, then you’re probably not the kind of Yankees fan leading the way on difficult decisions.

Got bad news for the rest of us, though. There’s a lockout. An anecdotal “Aaron Boone was at dinner…” story is the best we’re going to do for several months.

This is news now. This is what “news” is.

On Thursday night, a fan hiding behind a photograph of Gerrit Cole shared a detailed, yet somehow inscrutable, story involving top shortstop prospect Anthony Volpe, Boone, and a well-timed snicker that could mean one of two things.

It was the perfectly-crafted tweet to go just a lil’ bit viral; not all the way to the finish line, but with enough juice to circulate among particularly crazed Yankees fans.

Unfortunately, even before we consider how verifiable the tall tale is, it’s already controversial. There are two clear interpretations of this story, much like the white-and-gold dress or our old friend Yanny. See what you get from it.

What is this Yankees Aaron Boone-Anthony Volpe dinner story?

Before we can even examine its veracity, this story can either be perceived as:

• Boone looking at Volpe with pride, beaming and laughing about their beautiful future together
• Boone looking at Volpe and cackling, knowing the kid’s about to get eternally blocked by baseball’s ultimate heel

Which one is it, really? It’s the endless offseason, baby! Yankees fans will read this story and use it as confirmation bias for whatever outcome best suits them. If you’re a Carlos Correa fan, you’ll naturally read it and decide Boone was unwittingly laughing at the irony of the statement. After all, didn’t Boone say just a few weeks ago on R2C2 that there was one free agent he wanted above all others? Doesn’t that have to be Correa at this point? Or maybe Freddie Freeman …

Likewise, if you want no part of an expensive shortstop, you’re equally positive Boone was just giving 110% in selling a moderator’s extremely light joke from the stage.

What we do know is that Volpe and a bunch of other notable baseball Italians were in Brooklyn at a dinner Thursday night. That much is verifiable, and multiple sources confirm that Boone was also in the building.

No, that’s … not Boone. That’s just some guy. But it’s the image I preferred to share with you. It’s been a tough offseason already and it’s only getting longer, alright? Gimme a break.

Though we can confirm the event took place, many questions still linger. What was Boone’s facial expression after the laugh? Immediate concern for being spotted, or a satisfied grin? What did Volpe eat on the dais? Eggplant parm? Braciole? Endless breadsticks?

And exactly how long before Chris Vitali regrets making that face during his one chance to get a photo with the Yankees’ shortstop of the future/second baseman of the future/third baseman of the future/trade chip of the future/shortstop of the never?

We need baseball back in our lives so we can stop wondering whether Boone dribbled a little sauce on his white dress shirt as he laughed. We need it so badly.

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