Yankees Giancarlo Stanton will conquer NYC differently than Aaron Judge

(Photo by Gustavo Caballero/Getty Images)
(Photo by Gustavo Caballero/Getty Images) /

The Yankees will have the two biggest men in baseball batting back to back, and belly to belly, in 2018. And while they will both seduce you with their charms, only Stanton has bedroom eyes.

The Yankees got the best of all worlds with Aaron Judge. He is not only a person who finds success through hard work, his size presenting as many challenges as Jose Altuve’s, but also he is the most talented player on the team.

Judge seems to be a leader on the field and in the clubhouse. And, as a secret weapon — don’t tell anyone — he also hits for power.

Add all of that up, and the Yankees have themselves a complete player who lapped the competition for Rookie of the Year. Any team would be thrilled with such talent.

But, none of that includes the best parts of the man: His personality and character.

Hey Andy; Hey Goober

Aaron is an awe-shucks wunderkind. His humility and jubilant, boyish enthusiasm are positively infectious. You go to see him play; you stay to see him smile.

Madison Avenue already loves him. And big-time CEOs wait on hold for an hour just to see if he wants millions to sit on their boards.

Men want to be him; women adore him and moms want to hug him. And they all dream that their daughters will marry him. Could you ask for a better son-in-law than Aaron Judge?

He’s the only person on the planet for whom my wife could leave me and I would not be mad at her. Actually, I wonder if she would be mad at me for doing the same thing? Something to think about.

Seriously. That is how much The Big Man has charmed us all.

It’s not a Man’s World; it’s a Big Man’s World

But now a new Big-but-not-quite-as-Big-Man is coming to town: Giancarlo Stanton. The two will play together and possibly bat back-to-back; flashes of John Sterling materialize in mind.

Fortuitously, they share many of the qualities that have allowed them to excel. My guess is putting together the two who share similar and unique challenges will benefit them both. Although, as Stanton pointed out, it might hurt some baseballs. And other teams’ chances of winning.

Also, like Judge, Stanton seems a leader on and off the field. And, I think I read somewhere that he, too, seems to be good at hitting baseballs a long way.

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Stanton will have no problem conquering New York City.

But it is there that the conquests of the two men will diverge. After games, Judge is more likely to be in his crib (do people still say that?), while Stanton will be in the club. And if you are asking which club is THE club, the answer is whichever one Stanton is in that night.

The term, playa, is way overused. Or it used to be. What year is this? Anyway, here’s the standard: When you spend all summer in New York locked in a historic home run chase for the friggin’ Yankees… you are not just a playa, you are The Playa.

Once again: Playa

Stanton is not a man who is going to bed until the club stops shaking that samba beat. Or using his seductive bedroom eyes, even when it’s just for practice. You’ve seen him. He’s got that little smirk that tells those who know that he has a secret.

(Photo by John Parra/Getty Images for T-Mobile) /

You see, that’s his restrained look. Out in the wild, he turns that into a private look that says he knows a secret about you.

And, you have to trust me on this and not ask any questions, there will be more than one woman in New York who will want him to whisper that secret in an intimate setting.

As Carrie Bradshaw once pointed out, in New York, the models run wild and free. Giddyup, Giancarlo.

And that brings us to another difference: Moms don’t want their daughters to marry him; they want to lie to their daughters and run away with him themselves. They want to leave their daughters at the game so they can get to the club early.

And why not? He’s 28, rich and plays for the Yankees; let’s just say he better believe in God. Clearly, God believes in him.

Even the names of the two men are so strikingly different and evocative. Aaron Judge sounds so solid, dependable and wise. “Aaron” is straight out of the Old Testament and, even then, the title of “judge” had numerous and only positive connotations.

It Depends on Your Definition of Positive

Not Stanton. His name rolls off the tongue like that of an Italian model who just pulled up in his Lamborghini: Shzee-ann-CAR-lo. I am sure that name has been reverently whispered in at least one pretentious perfume ad.

It speaks of romantic nights on the Med — and being whisked away for long, luxurious weekends. My guess is his current SUV will serve as an expedient substitute on occasion. Dreams don’t always come true in the form you wish.

Now some of you might be thinking that I have a man crush on Stanton and that I might be one of the people showing up early to the club. To that, I say — no shame in my game.

The Yankees’ Aaron Judge has already conquered The City. Now, Stanton comes [Editor’s note: Change this last comment as it sounds like an intentional pun]. He, too, will conquer, but more like Gilgamesh once did — as a goring, wild bull — in his eponymous Epic.

And I think that will be just fine for many in New York: One Yankees star for your daughter…and one for you.

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Before I end this article, I want to let those of you have taken the time to read so many of these superfluous pieces of mine that this is my last one for YanksGoYard. I am switching over to Call to the Pen, still in the FanSided family. You can probably understand why I do so.

That means that some of you will no longer read my stuff. To you, I want to say thank you. An article is the beginning of a conversation amongst friends. And no story of mine is ever complete without comments from other Yankees fans, including dissenting opinions.

I hope I will still hear from those of you who know who you are. It’s why I wrote this column: I figured only a few of you would be here at this point in the piece.

Taking chances is hard, and doubts about ability can scream loudly. But your interjections have been an encouragement to my work, and a balm to my soul.

And since it’s just us, I can leave with the only two words I can think of, after having written so many here for YanksGoYard and all of you: Thank you.