Yankees Rumors: Brian Cashman about to sign SS Bugs Bunny

The Yankees are in active talks to sign Gerrit Cole. No, it’s a mega-swap of Jacoby Ellsbury for Zack Greinke. Wait, no, it’s a trade for Brandon Drury. And these are just my useless rumors.

The Yankees continue to try to improve their 2018 roster. But how they are doing that or which players they are really going to bring in is anybody’s guess.

And that is precisely what we who fill column space have been doing. I thought I was making good and accurate reads, as I’m sure every writer can say. But nothing has happened. Not for the Yankees, not for the Cardinals, not for the Mets… well, that was expected.

Once upon a time, the baseball off-season was renamed the hot stove league to reflect the twelve-month nature of the game. Not anymore. November and December proved to be much ado about almost nothing.

Not for the writers, though.

We want to read new content as much as anyone and, when there is no real news, we do our best to predict what is coming next. But if there had been even one trade or signing for every 10 speculative articles, every roster in baseball would have been flipped by now.

That admission does not change the situation, though. Still today it is an endless parade of will they or won’t they articles, and with whom? Even the most well-intentioned information streaming has now become useless background noise.

When a player is signed or traded, then we can all get excited.

But writers still have obligations; I don’t get paid for doing nothing. Actually, I don’t get paid at all, but the point is still the same.

So, since every other article written this off-season, including mine, has so far had the predictive abilities of the designers of the Hindenburg, I thought I would fill my space with predictions as true as any made so far.

DH King Kong

While many teams would like to sign the reclusive islander, inside sources feel the Yankees will eventually ink him. For all the reasons, please go back and read the articles smugly and/or ruefully declaring the Yankees would end up with Shohei Ohtani.

Mr. Kong would provide additional power, which seems like an embarrassment of riches at this point. Plus, there is concern about where to play King. Stanton and Judge seem likely to get at least 50 games at DH each in 2018, so wither King Kong?

3B Wonder Woman

The Yankees’ front office has long admired the talents of the Amazonian princess. While Themascara’s Women’s National team is even more fabled than the Cuban National Men’s team for producing pret-a-porter MLB talent, it is equally fabled for its secrecy.

One island eschews Democracy; the other, men.

But Youtube footage the last two years put Ms. Woman on everyone’s radar. And when she signed a minor league deal with the Kansas City Royals in 2016, it shook the baseball world.

Since then, her agent has made it clear she was mistaken. The princess not only assumed the team was actually run by a royal family, which would have made her feel right at home, but also that the Royals were going to compete in 2018. Now, they are clearly headed for a rebuild, with or without Eric Hosmer.

Yes, more rumors.

The question for Cashman is, which prospects to give up? Does this mean that Miguel Andujar is on his way out? After all, they play the same position. And she has a much stronger arm.

Is This the End for Andujar? Tune in Next Week to Find Out

On the negative side is that the Yankees have never seen her play in the bigs. Andujar was called up twice last year and showed real promise. However, Cash surely saw the same amateur scouting report we all saw on KC’s fan site, Royales with Cheese:

"Wonder Woman might have the best arm at third in baseball…and she’s only in Single-A! She’s still working on plate discipline, but when she connects, that ball flies a long, long way.The real problem right now is that she will still sometimes deflect balls hit to her at short with her magic bracelets, rather than field them. I don’t know if it is her razor sharp training or PTSD, but when you sign a warrior, there is always going to be some transition.However, scouts think it is unlikely that this turns into a Chuck Knoblauch situation and will correct itself in time."

Clearly, there is nothing but upside with Wonder Woman. But what will KC demand? Andujar and Chance Adams; okay. Throw in Tyler Wade; you got it.

But, what if they want Justus Sheffield? Dillon Tate? Both? As much as I know I will be killed in the comments’ section; I would still do that deal.

The question is, will Cashman? I mean, obviously, that’s the question. That’s why I don’t have anything else to report.

SS Bugs Bunny

The fifty-time All-Star is looking for a new home. The problem is timing. Mr. Bunny wants a contract worth at least $450 million over ten years. It was, in fact, that figure that prompted Bryce Harper to proclaim he would not sign for less than $400 mil.

And to say this to a reporter last August when asked about his demands: Yo, bro, to all you teams out there, if you have money for the Bunny, then don’t think twice about paying Bryce!

Bugs is, of course, worth every penny. His slash of .314/.563/.644 led the league for all rabbits and rodents, including former AL MVP Mighty Mouse.

But the Yankees are determined to stay under the salary cap. I could link to an article that explains that in depth, or even contradictory ones about how much money the Yankees have left.

But if you have not read one by now, you don’t want to. Fair enough. I don’t either.

This is Getting Daffy

Asked for comment in a recent article, Judge said, “Of course I would love to play with Bugs. He’s even more of a hero to me than Derek Jeter. And when you hug him after a big win, his fur is so soft!”

Even so, that probably leaves the Yankees out of it again. The last time Bunny became a free agent, the Yankees were still dealing with the A-Rod contract. Perhaps they will have better luck next time.

But, I still hold out some hope that the Yankees are working on a secret plan. What’s up, Cash?

Next: Yankees hope table setters such as Gleyber Torres arrive in 2018

And that goes for all their hoped-for signings and tradings. Because, again, nothing has happened; in baseball. But it will, and soon.

Then, when team rosters are reshaped, we’ll all have some real news to read. And that’s good because I really don’t know if the Yankees can pull off that Wonder Woman trade.

I was just reading the tea leaves; I’ve written that before.