Yankees allow 24-hours of unprecedented access to war room

5:16 p.m.

“Hey Beannie, how they hanging?

(It was at this point in his conversation with an unnamed West Coast GM that this particular executive noticed I was in the room.)

Er, I mean, how is your day, Billy?

Of course, we’re interested in Sonny Gray. But we have been getting a lot of flack from our fans for thinking about trading Estevan Florial or Miguel Andujar. So, if you’re calling to accept that package…oh, you’re not.

Are you not happy with that package? And you want to propose a new trade? Do you want Torreyes or Todd Frazier as the main piece? We can definitely start there!

No, that’s not right. You want, wait, you want either Gleyber Torres or Clint Frazier as the starting point for a trade? And then we can talk about throwing in Jorge Mateo or Florial?

You’re still trying to trade Sonny Gray, right? Not Cy Young? Hey, why don’t we throw in Judge! That’s what I love about you BillyBall: Your sense of humor. Hilarious.

It’s the Proposed trade that is Unbelievable

Oh, you’re serious. Um, okay, no, that trade does make a lot of sense. Let me just get everyone on my end on a conference call and tell ‘em about your really, reeeeaaaallly great offer.”

(He proceeded to do just that. I will pick up the conversation at the point our man is just about to finish recapping the trade to a bunch of voices.)

“And he has countered by proposing we trade Torres as the main player.”

“Are you sure he didn’t mean Torreyes?”

No, I asked him. He wants us to trade Gleyber or Clint. And he’s serious.”

It was at that point that a strange thing happened. The laughter started coming from one of the Yankee’s phones. It started slow, almost like a cough that becomes a chuckle. But before long, a full-throat-ed laugh was coming from the phone, causing a chain reaction.

Soon every phone poured forth a variety of chortles, titters, and guffaws.

What, no Giggling?

And it didn’t stop. I finally snuck into the executives private dining room for dinner; the fresh oyster platter with complimentary pearl was exquisite. I just wish I had noticed the pearl before I ate it. When I got back, the laughter was finally dying out.

“Hey Bill, sorry, but after serious consideration, the team has decided to pass.

Yeah, no, I tried, man. Oh, of course, I think it’s a great idea. But somehow they decided they would rather keep the number three prospect in baseball and a guy who just tied Mickey Mantle for most RBI’s in a rookies first 20 games. Shocking decision.

You want me to tell them they had better think about it over the weekend…and that they will never get back into first place without Sonny Gray? Okay, will do. If we change our minds, we’ll get back to you!”