Yankees allow 24-hours of unprecedented access to war room
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In the world of fantasy, can you imagine if the Yankees were to open their War Room for the next 24 hours? Because if they did, we might witness something like this.
The Yankees trade activity is a topic of much interest. There are always rumors and innuendos about deals floated and prospects offered. In an unbelievable move (and I do mean seriously incredible) the Yankees director of Media Relations, Hugh B. Leaveit, invited me to spend 24-hours inside their central office.
With that, I found myself–on Thursday, July 27th at 5 p.m.–at the heart of the New York Yankees Empire.
The scene itself is simple to describe: I was in a relatively nondescript, blue-and-white room with large Yankees logos on the lengthwise walls. Two glass cases faced each other on the shorter walls; one contained one of those Yankees jackets with all the titles on it, in badge form.
The other had a replica bust of George Steinbrenner, copied from monument park. There was a banner with the word, Dad, draped upon it.
Phones, yes, landlines, were around the table. Throughout the day and night, Yankees top brass and decision makers came in and out. Some came in on their cells and stayed that way until they left. Others came in and grabbed a land line to conference with a variety of disembodied voices.
I am proud to have been chosen and to bring the report to YanksGoYard. The one caveat was that I could only use names as I heard them. And they failed to put out snacks, which was a bummer. Excepting that, it was a fun day. And very revealing.
Here, now, is a faithful report on everything I heard, about trades, tirades, and things that go bump in the night.
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5:16 p.m.
“Hey Beannie, how they hanging?
(It was at this point in his conversation with an unnamed West Coast GM that this particular executive noticed I was in the room.)
Er, I mean, how is your day, Billy?
Of course, we’re interested in Sonny Gray. But we have been getting a lot of flack from our fans for thinking about trading Estevan Florial or Miguel Andujar. So, if you’re calling to accept that package…oh, you’re not.
Are you not happy with that package? And you want to propose a new trade? Do you want Torreyes or Todd Frazier as the main piece? We can definitely start there!
No, that’s not right. You want, wait, you want either Gleyber Torres or Clint Frazier as the starting point for a trade? And then we can talk about throwing in Jorge Mateo or Florial?
You’re still trying to trade Sonny Gray, right? Not Cy Young? Hey, why don’t we throw in Judge! That’s what I love about you BillyBall: Your sense of humor. Hilarious.
It’s the Proposed trade that is Unbelievable
Oh, you’re serious. Um, okay, no, that trade does make a lot of sense. Let me just get everyone on my end on a conference call and tell ‘em about your really, reeeeaaaallly great offer.”
(He proceeded to do just that. I will pick up the conversation at the point our man is just about to finish recapping the trade to a bunch of voices.)
“And he has countered by proposing we trade Torres as the main player.”
“Are you sure he didn’t mean Torreyes?”
No, I asked him. He wants us to trade Gleyber or Clint. And he’s serious.”
It was at that point that a strange thing happened. The laughter started coming from one of the Yankee’s phones. It started slow, almost like a cough that becomes a chuckle. But before long, a full-throat-ed laugh was coming from the phone, causing a chain reaction.
Soon every phone poured forth a variety of chortles, titters, and guffaws.
What, no Giggling?
And it didn’t stop. I finally snuck into the executives private dining room for dinner; the fresh oyster platter with complimentary pearl was exquisite. I just wish I had noticed the pearl before I ate it. When I got back, the laughter was finally dying out.
“Hey Bill, sorry, but after serious consideration, the team has decided to pass.
Yeah, no, I tried, man. Oh, of course, I think it’s a great idea. But somehow they decided they would rather keep the number three prospect in baseball and a guy who just tied Mickey Mantle for most RBI’s in a rookies first 20 games. Shocking decision.
You want me to tell them they had better think about it over the weekend…and that they will never get back into first place without Sonny Gray? Okay, will do. If we change our minds, we’ll get back to you!”
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7:31
“Hi; oh, it’s Robbie! (Taking the phone away from his mouth) Hey, everyone, Cano has called to say hi; (returns to the call). Hey, how’s it going Robbie? You’re having a great year; you All-Star you!
What’s that? You were wondering if we might want to make a trade to bring you back? Didn’t you realize the Mariners were never going to win? They keep adding free agents while getting worse each year?
The last Dominican you saw in Seattle was a friar? The local stores think a banana is the same thing as a plantain?
And Tacoma’s night life is a little less ‘happening’ than Manhattan’s? Well, don’t blame yourself; no one could have seen that one coming. Well, we kinda have a second baseman, man. The best I can do is send you a case of Malta. Good luck in the playo…I mean for the rest of the regular season.”
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11:43 p.m.
“Is this the dentist, Mr. Yuh Arm Mee
Yes, I know what time it is. But you know how you paid us a million dollars to advertise yourself as the official dentist of the Yankees? Yeah, well, this comes with the package.
Good. Okay, here’s the deal, Judge just broke a tooth and will need it repaired or replaced or something. He already looks enough like Opie Taylor. If he starts showing up with a chipped tooth, we might have to trade him to Atlanta.
Can we bring him by tonight? The last thing I want is him staring at it all night, taking sad, private pictures. That’d be horrible.
Tomorrow? Keep him away from mirrors? Alright, I’ll work on it, Dr. Mee.”
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12:01 a.m.
“Yankee’s media coordinator, Ms. Ingperson, here. The Times? You want some deep background to help you craft your story about the Rays letting that ball go through the infield in really, really embarrassing fashion? Of course, I can help.
Well, I would say, there was a frustrating moment that we thought would be a final one, until Gary was able to hit a ball that scooted—yeah I’m going to go with scooted, that’s my word for it—through the infield.
And what might have been dispiriting turned into a real, I’ll go with, a lifeline. Once again, that’s my word. I said it first. No plagiarism here.
I hope that helps you out. Do me one favor? Don’t print the stuff about Girardi calling the umps inconsistent, please. You’re a pal!”
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4-ish AM
At some point, I realized I had fallen asleep. The lack of motion allowed the lights to turn off and I estimate the time to be a little after four. I heard a soft voice in the dark.
“Hello, is this the tooth fairy? I have something special for you. I found Judge’s broken tooth chip, and I’m ready to deal.
A dollar? For Aaron Judge’s tooth? Do you know how big he has gotten since you saw him last?
Oh, he was 6’7” even when he was 5, huh,; fair enough. Then you know that even a part of it has to be worth at least a couple hundred. But I was thinking about something more like wishes.
I can have three? Awesome; let’s start with getting the Red Sux out of first and the Yankees in. Do that today. Two, make David Price have to get Tommy John surgery. And, three, teach me a dirty joke, so funny even Prince Hal will laugh.
Um hum, yeah, okay, yeah, got it…and the ending once again…Rectum? Damned near killed ‘em…got it. That should do it.”
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10:10 a.m.
“Yeah, hi Bill. No, they’re still thinking about it. Oh yeah, if we decide to trade Gleyber or Frazier, we’ll let you know.
Yes, I agree, you should definitely stick close by the phone. I am sure they’ll cave on this one anytime. Oh, yeah, sure, okay by Billy.”
11:46
“Yo, Andy, I loved your column. I mean, what insight: if we want to win, we have to beat the other teams that want to win. That’s good stuff. What, do they pay you by the word?
Oh, you actually don’t get paid until you give them a column, any old column. Well, at least it wasn’t some completely lame attempt at humor. The next so-called sports writer who tries to be funny in a column is going to be shown the Bronx by Bobby Bo.
1:23 p.m.
“Oh, hey, Billy. You. Again. Que pasa, amigo?
You want to check in and be clear you’re asking for either Frazier or Torres, but not both? Yeah, well, we, we kinda figured that one out on our own. But thanks for clarifying.
Oh, yes, that makes the offer a lot better.
Yeah, still no.”
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2:47
“Okay, Mr. Torre, you’re on with everyone. We just wanted to wish you and Jorge a great time and a lot of success in helping the Safe At Home Foundation. A worthy cause, and that’s no joke.
Hey, that’s great. Alright, that’s everything here, just have a great day. Oh, by the way, no big deal, just make sure not to compare your teams to this current one. I mean, can you imagine? Those teams did something no team did since the 1950’s, so that would be putting undue pressure on these guys.
I am so glad we agree. What? Is it okay to do it if you first say you don’t mean to do it, before doing exactly that? Um, well, gee Mr. Torre, yeah, kinda, but, no, not really.
Oh good. So, please don’t forget to remember not to mention any remembrances that you shouldn’t mention about your team and this team and how they’re so similar; is that clear or should I text it to you?
That wouldn’t help? Okay, well, I’m sure you’ll remember. Tell Jorge!
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3:35
“Hey pal, I just want to say thanks for refusing to trade us Duda, but agreeing to trade him to our division rival. That really helps a lot. C’mon, I think we could have done better than our 30th best prospect. But that’s cool.
Just know that the next time you play here, we’re gonna have bat day. And I don’t mean them damn little bats. No, we’re gonna give away the ones that Judge uses. And we’re gonna give ‘em to evvvvvveryone.
And if Duda hits a home run tonight, even in blowout, we are really coming for you. So, I hope you look forward to that.”
4:55
(A voice from one of the phones) Hey, is anyone there?
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(An exec walks in) What is it, Walt?
It’s (Blake) Rutherford’s agent. He wants to know how the secret plan to re-acquire his client in the off-season is going. He said the Yankees were going to follow their Adam Warren plan.
(The exec looked at me, and smiled) I can’t talk now, but I’ll call you back in…(addressing me) what time are you done?”
“Five o’clock.”
(Turning back to the phone) “I’ll call you back in 6 minutes.
(To me, as he walks out) Prank call.”
And that, faithful readers, was the last call I was privy to about the 2017 Yankees. I walked away with a couple of impressions. Most important is that the Yankees will never trade Clint Frazier and Gleyber Torres for Sonny Gray. That’s funny even now.
Next: The Yankees need to Focus on Winning Multiple Championships
Second, I want to find out more about that Rutherford thing. Third, I still need to pass that pearl. And, finally, after what has happened with the Sox and David Price, I need to try to get a hold of a Judge tooth chip. Naw, no one would believe I can do that.
I wonder what they would believe?