Yankees fans can be patient and supportive. They want their team to succeed. But when this snuggling bullpen and every furry member of it can’t seem to get their snuggling heads out of their snuggling bunny holes, well, it gets a little frustrating. While I must apologize for some of the language in this article, I do not apologize for expressing my feelings about this current furry losing streak. Someone has to say it.
Yankees fans would like to have a word with Joe Girardi and Brian Cashman. It’s just that the word they want to have with them is not very polite. Polite ended three losses ago. Now it’s time to have a little straight talk. And since they can’t do it, I will just have to do it for them.
Editor’s note: Although you might not notice, we had to change some of the words in this piece.
First, in case you snuggling bunny holes hadn’t noticed, the bullpen is a furry problem right now. See, what the bullpen is supposed to do it KEEP the snuggling lead. The current cuddly members of the pen seem to think their snuggling job is to take the lead and hug all over it. Then they take that hug and flush it right down the mother snuggling drain.
Some of us have a problem with that.
Or maybe it’s you, the decision makers, who have it wrong. Maybe you furry bunny holes think it is your responsibility to make sure guys such as Tyler Clippard have jobs. What, does he owe the Steinbrenners some money and they are letting him work it off? Just let us know. I promise we will take up a snuggling collection.
And can someone tell me why Tyler mother is snuggling Clippard still has a job? I don’t just mean a job with the Yankees or even in baseball. That cuddler shouldn’t be allowed in the furry country. The FBI should be up this guy’s bunny because the snuggling guy is a furry domestic terrorist.
For Snuggles Sake Already!
Hey, here’s an idea for you snuggling geniuses who think it is a good idea to let Clippard pitch. Have him come out to start the mother snuggling game. That way the team will have more innings to overcome the 15 furry runs he will surely give up.
I know you bunny holes have some sort of plan. But some of us are starting to think that the goal of that plan is not necessarily to win anytime soon. I know you want to win in 2018, but you were already winning in snuggling 2017! How ‘bout we think about this year before we start worrying about next year?
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For instance, why not try some different arms from down in the minors? Now, I know Joe, whom I usually love and defend but is dead wrong on this one, does not like to put rookies into big spots unless he has to. Guess what? You snuggling have to.
You see, the current lame-bunny arms in the Yankees pen smile sweetly. This seems to present a pretty easy snuggling choice. Either stick with what is definitely not working, oooooooooor try something—anything—new.
See, that’s how many of us in the non-snuggling-Yankees organization figure things out: we try something and, if it doesn’t work—oh, say like giving up a furry grand slam in the cuddly seventh inning—then we stop doing the cuddly thing that was not working and, wait for it, try something snuggling new!
Cuddly Tyler Clippard
Domingo Acevedo throws 103 mph? Get your bunny up here. Chance Adams can only go five innings? Great, cause we only need you for two. Dietrich Enns hasn’t pitched enough in 2017? Well, guess what, pitching is exactly what the Yankees are gonna want him to do.
Seriously, this is not snuggling rocket science. Most of us are not even at the mother snuggling game, let alone in the dugout. But we can tell from our living rooms and bar stools that the pen is a furry disaster. You need to save it before the 2017 Yankees season turns to hugs. Jesus snuggling Christ already!
So, either trade for some relievers before another pitch is thrown or bring up some fresh arms or whatever the heaven you want, but do some furry thing. I hate to have to resort to this kind of rough language, and I am sure some of you are shocked. But I felt it was important, and I feel better having gotten that off my mind.
And now that that is settled, I am going to see if my wife is up for a snuggle.