What a Vaz-hole

Everyone’s least favorite Yankee choked on a fat cock during the Yanks’ 8-4 setback to the Halos, leading to the Bombers dropping their first series of the season and falling to 12-6 on the year. The righty (1-3) was shelled for five runs on as many hits while fanning three and walking three in just 3 2/3 innings of work Sunday.

"I’m trying to do the best I can out there. Like I said, I threw the ball good the first three innings and then…four runs in the fourth."

"I threw the ball well, I got away with a couple of pitches. My fastball is not where I want it to be, control-wise…I feel like I can throw my off-speed pitches, I’m just not locating my fastball at all."

Javy hasn’t had a decent start this season and never made it out of the sixth in any of the four of them; even his lone win was clunker — three earned runs on six hits with six strikeouts to three walks in 5 1/3 innings.

"I’m not doing a good job out there. And it’s kind of embarrassing the way I’m throwing the ball."

"I’m not locating at all (on the fastball). That’s been my most important pitch my whole career."

On the bright side, it seems like he always throws a few good frames but runs into trouble and has one massive bed-shit of an inning. Plus, he has struck out 18 batters — and only walked 11 — in 20 innings this season. So we’re not exactly talking about a Wang-esque performance out of Javy here — he’s shown signs of solidness this year. There is hope.

On the other hand, he has given up 20 earned runs in 20 innings (for all you non-math majors: that’s an ERA of 9.00) and can’t go deep in games. I thought this guy was supposed to be an innings-eater. He’s averaged 6.25 hits and five earned runs a start on the young season. Furthermore, it appeared his velocity was down on Sunday. I hope he’s not hiding an injury…again (fifth paragraph down).

The question now becomes: when does it cease being a small sample size and start becoming a serious problem. Mike Axisa (who KNOWS his shit) from RAB seems to think this is how it’ll play out: Javy will make his next scheduled start and if he pitches like a dickhead they’ll skip his next start, allowing him to miss the Boston series, and then reevaluate him. I think this is, obviously, a wise decision. The Yanks and their fans shouldn’t jump to conclusions and start looking for Javy’s head on a stick after four starts.

If — God forbid — Javy doesn’t straighten up and fly right, what options do the Yanks have? They could give youngster Ivan Nova (or coveted prospect Andrew Brackman) a shot, move Ace to the rotation or call up Melancon or Albaladejo. But let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. I’m all about patience and not making rash decisions four games in. However, when you’re getting paid $11,500,000 to pitch you’d better, in the legendary words of Roger Dorn, STRIKE THIS MOTHERFUCKER OUT.

I’m hoping 2010 is the anti-2004 — meaning he has a shitbox of a first half and then has a stellar second half.