Yankees Fans: Website Wants You to Moon David Ortiz

The goal of MoonBigPapi.com is to have 10,000 Yankees fan band together and drop their draws in bidding adieu to David Ortiz during his final game in the Bronx on Sept. 29.

Ortiz has always been a royal pain in the backside for the Yankees and their fans. So on the day that he collected his 536th career home run, tying the one and only Mickey Mantle for 17th on the all-time home run list, a website has come to the forefront, asking fans of the Evil Empire to show their “admiration” for Big Papi by dropping trou with a cheeky salute.

Perhaps it’s not the classiest send-off, after all, the Red Sox did do right by Derek Jeter in 2014, but the taste of bitterness is fresh after the way Sox fans chanted “We Want A-Rod,” in hopes of further embarrassing him before his own retirement, barely a month ago.

In a demented kind of way, Ortiz should have seen something like this coming when he stated earlier in the season, “I would like … at my last game for the people at Yankee Stadium to give me a standing ovation.”

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C’mon man, really? While Ortiz may be loved in Beantown, skeptics lie elsewhere around the baseball community. After all, this is the same guy who tested positive for PEDs back in 2003 when MLB was doing “survey testing.”

Although he furiously claims he never “knowingly” took a banned substance, he did say on The Players Tribune that he was “taking what everyone else was” at that time. One would presume–steroids.

Do Red Sox fans know how to spell hypocrites?

If you’d prefer not to head to the website yourself, here’s the spiel that you’ll find strategically placed under some photoshopped bare bums bent over the third base dugout.

"Fifty thousand moons.Yes, moons! We’re not talking about celestial bodies. We’re talking about the idiotic, immature, sophomoric and utterly crude display of hostility that is commonly known as “mooning.” It requires two physical movements.A fan turns his/her posterior to the person or thing being mooned.He/she drops trou for five to ten seconds, signifying the span of time it takes Big Papi to run to first base.Fifty thousand full moons.Imagine David Ortiz’s great surprise as his Yankee Stadium tribute abruptly turns into an avalanche of red-cheeked butts. (In a perfect world, each bun would have a hypodermic needle poking from it, commemorating Papi’s rise to greatness.) Imagine the moment, caught for posterity – or “posterior-ity” – the greatest mass mooning since – well – Moonies!All we need is your fanny and five seconds.It will be the greatest historical sign of disrespect since Goliath decided not to wear a cup. It will be the greatest cultural pranksince the Vikings decided to name a giant chunk of ice “Greenland.” It will be the greatest insult upon humanity since bellbottom pants.Give us your fanny and five.Yes, five measly seconds of your strategically open backside – your tush, rump, keister, dumpster, can, party barge, crack, coin slot, culo, melody hole, caboose … your Kardashian!Imagine 50,000 moons … greeting Papi like a field of poppies. He will never be free. It will haunt him forever. It will become a bigger memory than any of his hits against us.Tell your friends. Tell your enemies. Tell anybody. Tell everybody. It’s time for Yankee fans to say toot-a-loo to David Ortiz, with a group gesture that will be inscribed into the annals – and anals – of history!"

While I genuinely don’t think this will happen, I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t smile from ear to ear if it did.

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Maybe we should start a Go Fund Me page to pay the fine for the one or two brave souls–who in the event of consuming enough libations, actually goes through with the ludicrous stunt.

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