Yankees beat Angels despite Jose Caballero's submission for worst game of all time

The best part about baseball is that, if you're ride-or-die for all 162, you can wake up every day and see something you've never seen before. Sometimes Colton Cowser rises above the mountains in Denver, saving the game for the Orioles on the furthest-hit home run robbery ever tracked. Sometimes Lazaro Montes, in his MLB debut for the Mariners, will hit a titanic shot to dead center field at Fenway, then grab a model trident from the dugout and shred it like an electric guitar while Randy Arozarena vibes like Richie Sambora. And sometimes, if you're lucky, your fill-in shortstop will play the most feckless offensive baseball game ever transmuted through a television tube.

If Abner Doubleday watched Jose Caballero try to hit on Tuesday night in Anaheim, he probably would've shrieked and said, "I didn't know baseballs could go so fast! It's time to die." But after watching any of the other batters participate, he would've changed his tune quickly.

"I'm sorry I doubted you," he'd say. "All these other guys have, like, way more juice. Is he batting ... on purpose?"

Pros to Caballero's performance on Tuesday night? He snagged a 107 MPH line drive from Mike Trout with two on and two out, then turned a double play on a 104 MPH hotshot. Cons? He batted five times, recorded zero hits, wasted a challenge, whiffed thrice, left the bases loaded, and left an additional seven runners on in the process. He also kneed Wade Meckler in the head, leaving him as befuddled as Abner Doubleday watching Aaron Judge hit off a Trajekt machine.

Yankees survive Gerrit Cole's stumble vs. Angels despite Jose Caballero leaving the world on base

If you slept through Yankees-Angels last night, God bless you. Woke up to a 7-3 win. No stress. No concept of the tying run sitting on third with one out and Gerrit Cole leaving the game, all because the offense came into contact with the possibility of tacking on runs and developed a dangerous allergy.

Caballero wasn't the only man responsible for offensive malfeasance on Tuesday — and, objectively, Cole was a little too hittable, surrendering eight in under six frames and getting two-run triple'd by Christian Moore to end his day. But it was particularly glaring and weak to watch Caballero stride to the plate time and again and fail in new and distinct ways. He burned a challenge to strike out looking with Jazz Chisholm Jr. on second base and two outs early. He was called out on strikes with the bases loaded and two outs in the ninth. Perhaps most egregiously, he whiffed with the bases juiced and no outs immediately after Trent Grisham's RBI single gave the Yanks some much-needed breathing room and Ryan McMahon bunted to reload the bases. If not for Paul Goldschmidt's sacrifice fly, we might still be talking about the amount of sweat that whiff created.

And oh yeah, remember how Caballero went to Driveline this offseason to increase his bat speed? Feel like that may not have worked.

We're not saying Anthony Volpe is the answer while George Lombard Jr. works through his knee pain, but we're definitely saying that Caballero is not the answer on a full-time basis.

Right, Abner? Oh, no, he's got his thumb stuck in the vending machine again. No, no, he likes it, he goes crazy for this.

Add us as a preferred source on Google

Follow