Yankees enemy admits Astros cheated in 2017 ALCS in bizarre late-night rant

Minnesota Twins v Houston Astros
Minnesota Twins v Houston Astros / Bob Levey/GettyImages

Oh no, Astros fans. Get ready. It's going to be another one of those articles that you read all the way to the bottom of, then ask, "Why was this written?! The past is the past!" instead of simply not reading it.

You could stop now, you know. You're on a Yankees website, and you don't have to be. You could always go back to yo-yo tricks or buying Miller High Life or whatever you were up to before this article crossed your feed. That would be totally fine.

Still here? Knew you would be.

Anyway, we don't actively seek to relitigate history. We just want to chronicle it, especially when new information presents itself.

Did the Astros win the 2017 World Series because of their galvanizing cheating scheme? Impossible to know. Would the Yankees have won the 2017 World Series if the Astros hadn't been cheating? Likely not; the Dodgers had a more well-rounded roster, and Houston was further along in their roster building than New York ... but, and here's the tricky part, we'll also never know for sure. The 83-win Cardinals won the 2006 World Series. Inferior teams topple giants sometimes, and the Yankees were certainly in the driver's seat in the ALCS ... until they went to Houston.

How long were the Astros cheating? The regular season, of course. AJ Hinch smashed a few monitors, but the players went, "Manager? Who cares! Cheating rules!" and the plot continued. The postseason, and through the World Series? Suspicion has always reigned supreme, but now, Yankees fans have been given the gift (burden?) of knowledge thanks to former Astro Evan Gattis' late-night Twitter rantings.

In between trying to explain racism (and defend himself from accusations of racism?) on Easter Sunday night, one Yankee fan slipped one past the goalie and got a vulnerable Gattis to admit that the home run he crushed off CC Sabathia in Game 7 of the ALCS (to break a 0-0 tie in the fourth) came after an ill-gotten sign had illuminated his path.

Evan Gattis admits Astros stole signs in Game 7 of ALCS vs Yankees in 2017

Why stop there, right? If you can make it to the World Series on the strength of sign stealing, and it's emboldening an already-good team, why not carry the scheme over to the Fall Classic? You've already shown Hinch you don't care what he has to say about it, right? You've got a "whataboutism" strategy planned for the aftermath where you try to incriminate the Dodgers, too.

Why not continue a strategy that, as Gattis himself said, was "f***ing fun"?

If only the Yankees had had the Astros' signs, too, maybe they could've prevented all this and held up on one of the 24 straight f***ing curveballs Lance McCullers Jr. threw them to close out the contest.

Did you make it all the way to the bottom of the article, Astros fans? Congrats! Next yo-yo's on us.