MLB built Yankees' 2024 schedule to create immediate misery

May the pain be unyielding. Yankees baseball!
Championship Series - Houston Astros v New York Yankees - Game Four
Championship Series - Houston Astros v New York Yankees - Game Four / Elsa/GettyImages
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The New York Yankees have yet to see the Houston Astros in 2023, which has been by far the best part of the 2023 season.

Don't worry, though. That "problem" will be corrected soon enough. The Yanks welcome the Astros to the Bronx for four games, Aug. 3-6, then go to Houston Sept. 1-3. That's seven chances to be battered by their top foe of the era in new and distinctly torturous ways.

But wait, it gets worse! You'll notice that the 2023 Yankees' four-game set with Houston is at home, meaning that next season, as things alternate, they'll be forced to deal with a four-game series in enemy territory.

At least they're getting that series out of the way early, because MLB's schedule release Thursday revealed that the 2024 Yankees season will literally open in H-Town with a four-gamer.

Opening Day. Houston, TX. Followed by three more games. Hopefully, they won't be raising a banner on top of everything.

Yankees Schedule 2024: Welcome to Houston, suckers.

MLB knew exactly what they were doing last season when they sent the San Francisco Giants to New York for the Yankees' Opening Series. Either Aaron Judge would be smiling from the other dugout, or he'd have re-upped with New York, adding an undercurrent to this otherwise non-rivalry.

This time, they've also entered the season with a mission: Dig the Yankees an 0-4 hole and see how angry WFAN callers can get before Tax Day. What a marvelous idea!

Somehow, the Yankees are still 38-30 in the regular season against the Astros, a holdover from interleague play and Houston's early AL tanking days. This will be their second Opening Day matchup with the 'Stros, their first coming in 2016, when Dellin Betances launched a dribbler over the first baseman's head to break an eighth-inning tie, igniting a loss to Dallas Keuchel. Same as it ever was.

The full 2024 Yankees schedule shows they'll be heading from Houston to the desert to face another contender in Arizona before their Home Opener against Toronto on April 5. At least MLB's evil doers in the home office decided to spread the poison around a little. They're also sending the Red Sox on a lengthy west coast trip to begin 2024, and New York hosts the four-gamer with Boston at Yankee Stadium in September. Fair's fair.