Umpire Laz Diaz's scorecard from Opening Day was an absolute disaster for Yankees

Hey, real quick, didn't it feel like home plate umpire Laz Diaz was equally awful for both teams on Thursday afternoon in the Bronx? Well, hate to pop your Yankees balloon, but according to the independent auditor, his brutal work actually benefitted the Giants tremendously (yes, even in a 5-0 blanking).

Diaz showed up on a cold day ready to expand the corners of the plate to his heart's content. Maybe he missed the memo on the new bases and thought the increased dimensions applied to home, too?

Unfortunately, his generosity only really manifested itself when sinker specialist Logan Webb and submariner Tyler Rogers were on the mound.

When Gerrit Cole was dealing, breezing through his 11-strikeout, Yankees record-setting performance? Nah. Wasn't watching. Sorry.

The overall disparity was enough to make even the most composed fan scream, "JESUS, LAZ!"

Yankees were almost screwed by Umpire Laz Diaz on Opening Day

No non-Yankee fan has any interest in reading this article following a dominant 5-0 Yankees performance, but we have incredible news for you: you do not have to read it. You've already spent enough time on page if you've gotten this far. Go enjoy a Bagel Bite.

1.24 additional runs for San Francisco, the bulk of which probably came from the strikeout looking that ended Oswaldo Cabrera's plate appearance in the eighth inning (the third-ranked missed call on the scorecard's list, sitting behind the Cole non-call that the ace, luckily, shrugged off). With a runner in scoring position, Cabrera -- riding three strikeouts on the day already -- was rung up by a sidearm offering that missed the plate by nearly half a plate.

Hey, what can we say! Cool delivery! Give him a strike for effort!

The Yankees' offense and pitching mastery made this game a non-contest, but without Diaz's efforts, it seems they would've won 6.24 to 0. And isn't that what everyone came out to the ballpark to see?

Diaz's malfeasance didn't matter in this particular case, but he's got to round into form for the next one-run game he calls. Somehow, he was as active a participant in Thursday's action as Ron Marinaccio.