Umpire Jim Wolf was even more of a pro-Mariners disaster than you thought vs. Yankees

Was he angry at Austin Wells? Allergic to pinstripes? On Ichiro's payroll? Whatever caused home plate umpire Jim Wolf to favor the Mariners over the Yankees so heavily in Wednesday night's game, it turns out the bias wasn't in our heads after all.

Anyone who watched the game could've told you that, though, as countless Mariners spun breakers around the plate and earned calls in the opposite batter's box.

The Yankees had to fight the forces of evil to win this one, but win it they did, as karma repaid them for Aaron Judge having a strike zone larger than Saturn's rings with a gaffe to end all gaffes from Julio Rodriguez. As the champagne settled and the Yankees' players made themselves as blind as Wolf, New York's pettiest fans were still waiting with bated breath for Wolf's umpire scorecard, sure to drop the next morning and provide an additional dose of schadenfreude.

And when it was revealed? Oh, boy. OHHHH, boy. The joy felt in response to our previous misery was palpable. How did the Mariners manage to lose a game where the Yankees recorded three hits and the home plate umpire spotted them 1.66 runs?!

Home Plate Umpire Jim Wolf nearly ruined Yankees-Mariners game

The Yankees won this game 2-1, but the Mariners were provided an additional 1.66 runs thanks to Wolf's Grand Canyon-style strike zone, so ... going by the pythagorean method ... the Yankees should've won 2 to negative .66? Sounds about right, given the high-IQ stuff we've watched on the basepaths these past few days.

Maybe, when Victor Robles inexplicably dashed home ahead of a 3-0 pitch to Justin Turner, he was actually attempting to deliver a bribe that he'd forgotten to hand out earlier?

Just kidding; we know Wolf wasn't behind the dish that day. But do you think he was acting as a lone wolf, or was the rest of the crew in on it? Much to ponder as we toast to Wolf's incompetence and feverishly check for bias in the postseason umpiring schedules.