Red Sox unleash new curse by releasing Yankees icon's nephew

Should've never signed him in the first place!
Pittsburgh Pirates v Boston Red Sox
Pittsburgh Pirates v Boston Red Sox / Maddie Malhotra/Boston Red Sox/GettyImages

If you knew Alex Rodriguez's nephew wasn't part of your 2024 plans at any level, you shouldn't have signed him in the first place, Boston. And you definitely shouldn't have released him from his Worcester Red Sox contract in an effort to funnel his relatively meager salary into the financing of a Broadway play. A "Dear Evan Hansen" reboot called "Dear Craig Hansen"? Come on, guys. Doomed idea.

In the Red Sox' late-spring roster shuffle, a slate of minor-leaguers were released, which likely would've gone under the radar ... if we hadn't so forcefully highlighted their earlier signing of Yankees standout Alex Rodriguez's nephew Joe Dunand.

Dunand, a hilarious signing to pair with the Yankees' troll of Jeter Downs (who's still around, though he's probably been lapped by Jahmai Jones lately), was drafted in the second round by the Marlins in 2017, and easily had his best pro season last year for the Braves' Triple-A club in Gwinnett. Not only did he surpass a full-season OPS of .700 for the first time, but he also topped .800, piling up an .843 mark with 17 homers.

It was enough to get him a storybook look in Boston and a chance to flip the script; maybe, if he ever threatened to tussle with Jason Varitek in the clubhouse, the "Captain" would've actually taken his mask off this time to fight like a real man! Alas, it is not to be, and we're no longer having any fun; Dunand was released, rather silently.

Red Sox release Yankees star Alex Rodriguez's nephew Joe Dunand

Also ... CJ Cron couldn't have made this Red Sox team to hit light-tower bombs at Fenway? Shrug.

You know what to do, A-Rod. The fury with which you slapped Bronson Arroyo's glove 20 years ago? We're going to need you to slap down a curse on Boston with 10 times the force. This is the 20th anniversary season of that horrible 2004 comeback, after all, and it coincides with a Netflix documentary (?) about the 2024 Red Sox.

If Rodriguez has his way with the Sox, he can maybe swirl enough cosmic forces together to make that art piece into a reverse "Fever Pitch" -- aka a movie that set out to document one thing, but instead turns out to be a chronicle of the universe conspiring against Boston instead of in their favor.

As long as the Yankees don't do the same thing to Jeter Downs. In that case, the curses probably cancel each other out. Either that, or Curse Schilling will reemerge from his cave to set the whole thing back in motion.