I'm 22 for a moment, breaking into the majors in Oakland's farm system. Never a wish, better than this ... when you've only got 100 years to age while nursing a hamstring strain in the New York Yankees dugout.
Not sure how, not sure why, but being on the Yankees' roster sure does seem to facilitate the bodily breakdown of several of the league's top stars, doesn't it? Giancarlo Stanton used to be an outfielder. A proper outfielder. Now, he's a DH, and his hamstrings pop when he tries to turn a home run trot into a jog between first and second. Carlos Rodón? His back didn't "feel wrong" in San Francisco. Pretty sure.
And Josh Donaldson, despite looking spry on defense last season at the ripe old age of 36, might just take the cake based on some dugout snaps from this past series against Cleveland -- which, to be fair, aged us all.
Just two weeks ago, Donaldson was on the comeback trail from a hamstring tweak he suffered jogging to first after a pop out against the Phillies. Video from that rehab stint revealed he could barely run, though, and the slugger was placed further onto the shelf with a "Grade 1 Plus Hamstring Strain" the next day.
So, how close is he to returning? Well ... based on these dugout shots, he's closer to linking up with Derek Dietrich on the Double-A Somerset coaching staff. Maybe he can really make the "Hit Strikes Hard" method pop with the kids. After he's done fishing for some largemouth bass up in Minnetonka.
Yankees Josh Donaldson has aged 100 years during Injured List stint
He really, truly does look like an exasperated hitting coach trying to pick up Marcus Thames' pieces. "Who's our left fielder? We don't have one? God, I'm really being set up to fail, aren't I?"
"And what happened to Donaldson at third? That's me? Mercy."
But that's not all. Please enjoy another photo of Donaldson that we think was put through an "old age filter," but honestly, we're not 100% sure! And that's the fun of it all.
Hey, whenever you have a chance to pay $25 million annually for Donaldson to sit on the bench and reverse Benjamin Button himself (aka normal aging), you've got to do it.
Somewhere in the halls of Yankee Stadium, there's a portrait of Donaldson that's simultaneously getting younger. It's probably on Brian Cashman's office wall, and that's why he continues to defend the deal that imported the former slugger.
Donaldson's probably not getting the Old-Timers' Day invite anytime soon, but Yankees fans are thankful they received a sneak peek of what that might look like this week.
Maybe Donaldson gracefully transitioning into a coaching role is the best thing for this infield logjam anyway.