3 absurd Giancarlo Stanton trade packages to end Yankees offseason malaise

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CAUTION. These Yankees Giancarlo Stanton trade packages are white hot to the touch. They will not be completed on this earth, the earth that we live in, in the year 2024. Stanton is owed too much money and is coming off too low a valley to be exchanged for goods and services. If the Yankees are left underwhelmed by Stanton's bodily transformation after '24, there's a slight chance they finally decide to eat cash for the final three years of his deal and send him into free agency.

But ... if Stanton returns with a semi-vengeance to begin 2024 ... and sustains it until the trade deadline ... there's at least a minute chance that some star-hunting team wants to match troublesome salaries and tie some prospects to the package and tango with the devil.

In all honesty, the solution to the Yankees' struggle to find playing time for Stanton moving forward (in a world where they extend Juan Soto) is probably a depressing one. He likely gets injured, and cannot complete his duty as scheduled.

But ... in this fantasy ... to awaken a slumbering offseason in which the Yankees have reached their budgetary limits, save for possibly one more reliever ... it's our goal to find a different solution. We found three.

3 absurd Giancarlo Stanton trade packages Yankees could pursue in alternate universe

Stanton to the Cardinals for an Iffy Contract and a Cashman Dream

The Yankees have always desired Dylan Carlson, right? But he's always felt, to the fanbase at large, like an underwhelming acquisition resting mostly on unrealized potential. So why not, instead of surrendering something you believe to be desirable in order to nab Cashman's preferred target, weave him into a Stanton package instead?

In this trade -- again, absurd, this is absurd -- 3.5-4 years of Stanton's contract head to the Cardinals, though the Yankees agree to absorb a percentage. The Yankees then attach an intriguing prospect with unrealized future value -- Brando Mayea? Henry Lalane? -- in exchange for Carlson and Steven Matz, along with the full scope of Matz's remaining salary.

That'd be $12.5 million on the payroll this year and next (but not in the two years after that when Stanton will also be under contract). Matz posted a 3.86 ERA in 2023, but in all honesty, the Yankees would've taken him here if he'd been coming off his 5.25 mark in 2022, too. This is a matter of salary, not of belief in the player.

Sure was an absurd conglomeration of words that preceded this sentence, right? Hey, we hear you. If anything, this is an exercise to prove just how difficult it will be to trade Stanton (and it's only possible if he bounces back somewhat this season). And remember: Stanton has to head nod at any proposed deal in order to get it across the finish line!

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Stanton to the Angels to Help Arte Moreno Sleep at Night

Ok. We know we said these packages would be absurd, but ... Anaheim is the only realistic trade destination for Stanton as he ages. Arte Moreno is the only owner who might buy into the idea of a Stanton ticket sales bump. California is the only destination Stanton might approve a trade to.

This will not happen. But the percentages are around 8-10% instead of hanging in the negatives.

In order to ship Stanton to Moreno, the Yankees might have to take the Angels' owner out to a long, luxurious Italian dinner, make sure he's very sleepy, then whisper the full amount remaining of the slugger's contract, just to make sure it's communicated (but not recalled). Think of the late Pujols-ian possibilities, though! A retirement tour! A 500 (or possibly even 600...) home run chase! Protection for Mike Trout (in theory!). The possibilities are endless, if you believe.

Just send Mickey Moniak and rookie ball shortstop (and MLB Pipeline's No. 13 Angels prospect in 2023) Felix Morrobel our way and reap the rewards.

Stanton to the Giants for Some Outfielders We've Discussed Previously

Look. You've got salaries. We've got salaries. Could we, uh, hypothetically ... trade salaries?

The Yankees would need Stanton to backtrack on his 2017 decision not to approve a trade to San Francisco, which would only happen if 2024 is so unpleasant in New York that he asks out rather than get squeezed out. And 2024 will only be unpleasant in New York if Stanton's performance is poor, and the Giants wouldn't want him in that case, and ... yeah. We know.

But the Giants have struggled to attract premiere free agents in recent years, and the outfielders they have signed haven't exactly panned out. This would represent a chance for the Yankees to do a little Budgetary Arson (no Judgment) on San Francisco's bloated payroll.

Stanton, Jorbit Vivas, and the 10-to-15-range Yankees prospect of your choosing in exchange for Michael Conforto's $18 million and Robbie Ray's future. The Giants acted as a weigh station for Ray's deal, which has now paid off; the left-hander has a clearer path to success in the Bronx (through 2026) than Stanton does, and his money would be less of an anchor in a rotation fraught with uncertainty, rather than a lineup that suddenly features surplus outfield talent (and could add a long-term DH type in Soto quite soon).

Ray's money makes this too absurd for you? Fine, but you clicked the wrong article. Take it out, force the Yankees to pay 40% of Stanton's remaining money, and you've got yourself a (smaller) deal.

But, again, not in the real world. Never in the real world.

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