Joe Torre has amazing NSFW response to Red Sox embarrassing 2004 cheating accusation

You're not going to believe this, but after 20 years of bragging about their comeback from down 3-0 against the 2004 Yankees (an extremely lucky 101-win team with an 89-73 pythagorean record), the Boston Red Sox have decided to finally divulge some additional nuggets that make their victory even more impressive than you thought.

Guess the well of accolades had run dry after being milked for two decades, and they wanted some more praise. It's on Page 12 of the MLB rule book, actually: the 2004 Red Sox must be mentioned every 18 minutes, or else Bill Mueller loses a finger.

In Colin Barnicle's new Netflix documentary "The Comeback," which we can safely enjoy now that we know the 2024 Red Sox will not be winning a ring, Pedro Martinez and Curt Schilling assert that the Yankees were cheating during the series. The two Sox stars claim they found a microphone buried in their clubhouse's ceiling at Yankee Stadium, and Martinez's story is accompanied by footage of his Game 2 loss in the Bronx, though no specific timing context is mentioned by any of the storytellers.

Why this juicy detail has never been brought up before the 20-year anniversary is anyone's guess. Clearly, the Yankees really wanted access to amazing secrets like Pedro telling his teammates in private, "I think I'm going to pitch very well today instead of poorly," in addition to Kevin Millar's whiskey farts.

“I know the difference between a microphone and not a microphone, and this was a lapel mic. And it was attached to the same thing you guys (the filmmakers) have, a little red box with a red light on,” Schilling told the filmmakers.

When reached for comment, Yankees manager Joe Torre had some thoughts, too, noting, “(Expletive). I say it didn’t happen. And if it did happen, we didn’t get the benefit of a microphone, someone else did.”

Yankees manager Joe Torre responds to Pedro Martinez, Curt Schilling nebulous cheating allegations

Well, if Curt Schilling says it, it must be true! That man? Embellish? Now I've heard everything!

Martinez, too, certainly doesn't have an axe to grind with his daddy -- or maybe, considering everyone let him skate for shoving an old man forcibly to the ground headfirst the year prior, he assumes there's some sort of diplomatic immunity around everything the Yankees and Sox touched in '03 and '04.

As long as Aaron Boone doesn't screen the film for the Yankees during this year's World Series, there's no harm, no foul here, though it certainly is bizarre this new Yankee-hating catnip was held under lock and key for 20 years. Regardless, Martinez is right. Any franchise with any sort of legitimate cheating allegation levied against it should be forced to vacate whatever they won. Therefore, the 2004 Yankees legally have to give back their Choking Trophy, and nobody should look into what happened in Boston in 2018.