Cardinals just punished Yankees by giving Red Sox a Christmas gift in lopsided trade

The St. Louis Cardinals just pulled off the kind of trade that members of Yankees Twitter are admonished for suggesting - and, unsurprisingly, they helped out the Red Sox's lineup in the process.

The Yankees? If they want something, they've got to pay double (or possibly triple, if Brian Cashman happens to wear the wrong cologne that day. When the Red Sox are in need of aid, the rest of the league pulls up to give them exactly what they want, take something Boston doesn't want whatsoever in exchange, and cover the remaining cost, just to make sure things go as smoothly as possible.

On Sunday night, it was slugging first baseman Willson Contreras heading to Boston from St. Louis in exchange for right-hander Hunter Dobbins, who posted a 4.13 ERA last season, struck out just 45 men in 61 innings, barely cracked Boston's top 30 prospects at No. 27, and derived most of his power from lying about his Yankee Hatred origin story.

Contreras, who had a 124 wRC+ last season along with excellent defense at first base, is owed $40.5 million over the next two seasons. But don't worry! St. Louis will pay a "substantial amount" of that. Why? Who knows? They must really love that dirty water.

Red Sox trade for Willson Contreras as Yankees' offseason gets darker

Also included in the trade? Yhoiker Fajardo and Blake Aita, a minor-league pitcher and the Elton John/Tim Rice musical. I was under the misguided impression you were supposed to have to give to get. Silly me.

UPDATE: Boston's "substantial amount" is just $8 million. Doesn't make this any less lopsided, though.

Good luck hitting ... Paul Blackburn, Willson! That'll show you!

The only player the Yankees have acquired this offseason for the MLB roster who wasn't already around last season is Cade Winquest, swiped in the Rule 5 Draft. Meanwhile, after an entire November and December of crying about supposed inactivity, Red Sox fans have gotten the exact bat they needed, handed to them on a silver platter. Shocking. Did not see that coming. Didn't see things working out nicely for them, tied up in a bow, as they always seem to when facing a fork in the road.

The Red Sox will now likely finish their offseason with Alex Bregman, though a blockbuster Ketel Marte trade cannot be ruled out. The Yankees? They accidentally glued themselves to Trent Grisham, and may pull off a starting pitching trade, if value charts line up. Who wants to bet they'll have to surrender far better players in exchange for someone who'll have less of an impact than Contreras?