Stephen A Smith accidentally awakens dead executive in wild Yankees rant


Congratulations to the sole person on earth who woke up this Wednesday and thought, “Man, the New York Yankees sure have been rough lately. I’ve listened to Jack Curry and Michael Kay give their thoughts. Does Stephen A. Smith happen to have an extremely wet message for the team, too?”

After an eight-year MLB hibernation from the night of Derek Jeter’s final game to the present day, SAS awoke on Wednesday breathing fire about a Yankees team that has been in the gutter since the All-Star break after losing Giancarlo Stanton, Matt Carpenter and Co.

The team has been terrible. When the offense shows up, the pitching disappears. When the starters roll, the bats can’t produce. It’s been a brutal watch, made all the worse this week when Stephen A. attempted to weigh in by coming up with a few examples of particularly stinky sewers, before claiming that a Mets World Series might cause a dead man to fire Aaron Boone.

The First Take veteran’s particular brand of vitriol is typically saved for the New York Knicks (whether they’ve earned it or not, considering most of ESPN’s strategy is now going viral for saying the words ‘New York Knicks’). This week, he aimed his Take Laser at the struggling Yankees, though, who he saw no reason to discredit before they suffered a rash of injuries.

In July, the Bombers carried the best record in the league, despite not possessing Jacob deGrom and Max Scherzer back then, either. They started a slumping Josh Donaldson, Aaron Hicks, and Isiah Kiner-Falefa in July … again, Stephen A. didn’t notice. But NOW?! That the team is STRUGGLING?! And the Mets are GOOD?! Well, Aaron BOONE had better WATCH OUT for a PHONE CALL from BEYOND THE GRAVE, because HANK STEINBRENNER who DIED IN 2020 doesn’t LIKE what he SEES.

AND, just a REMINDER, what he SEES is NOTHING.

Stephen A Smith does not know which Yankees executives are alive, but apparently the team smells!

Now, I know this rant sounded a bit excessive to you — especially the part where SAS targeted Aaron Judge for his four-game rough stretch while ignoring that he’s the Yankees’ only consistent offensive performer — but keep in mind that the man yelling is from the Bronx. Did that change anything?

You don’t have to be Stephen A. to weigh in on the Yankees’ struggles all of a sudden after sitting silent through their first half, though! While roster problems plagued the Yanks in April, May, June and July, nobody felt like going out on a limb and dedicating any national ink to them until an injury-ridden second-half slide began.

Now, reputable outlets like The Sporting News have published much quieter Stephen A. takes, choosing to notice that Donaldson, Kiner-Falefa and Hicks are struggling now that the Yankees’ slide has opened the door for negative spins.

“After a massive collapse, I’ve decided the Yankees’ roster shows the potential for a massive collapse.” Thank you!

Also, an “early October exit” is much more likely than a World Series win for every single team entering the postseason, another not-so-bold prediction from an industry that’s full of them these days.

Whether it’s being screamed from a mountaintop loud enough to awaken the dead, or buried under bylines writers wish they could backdate to May to show a little foresight, the Yankees are clearly in a rough enough place right now that the national media feels like feasting.

Hopefully, when half the offense returns healthy, these takes will be as smelly as the sewers of Stephen A’s youth. Otherwise, a bunch of “I Told You So’s” will ring from the rafters, all from sources too cowardly to speak their minds back in May.