Yankees want to put Evil Empire twist on new anti-Astros cheating device


Leave it to the New York Yankees: on the verge of yet another season with championship aspirations and high expectations, they appear to be feeling loose.

Yes, even with the dastardly “Yankee Letter” hanging over their heads. Ooh! A letter! Positively bone-chilling.

As the Bombers and the rest of their competition prepare to head north for the regular season, MLB has announced the implementation of PitchCom technology, their first step in a league-wide effort to halt illicit sign-stealing in its tracks.

While thieving signs has long been a point of pride for veteran players with keen eyes, things have clearly taken a premeditated turn in recent years thanks to an abundance of new and mysterious technology. So what better way to combat the urge than with … more technology, this time sanctioned by the league?!

All joking aside, players have reportedly been giving PitchCom rave reviews all spring long during test runs, and the five players per team who’ll be allowed to use the pitch-communicating buttons will certainly be taking a gallant stride into the future.

The Yankees, it seems, want to make their devices particularly unique. Hey, if you’re going to go robot, go all-in on the future.

Yankees want Darth Vader’s voice on their anti-sign stealing devices

Yankees Luis Severino and Kyle Higashioka were at the forefront of this innovation, and used the system to perfection this past weekend (Sevy’s dominant outing against the Braves, FWIW).

After the game, Severino raved about the ease of utilizing the device, which up to three non-pitchers would also have access to (for defensive positioning purposes):

"“I think it was great,” Severino told reporters. “I was a little doubtful at the beginning, but when we started using it, it was really good — with a man on second, too. I would definitely like to use it in my first start [of the regular season]. … You know what pitch you’re going to throw right away.”"

Now, it wouldn’t be the Yankees’ sign-stealing stopper without a little twist, though, right? Some Bombers players spent Tuesday goofing around about switching up the robotic voice the device uses for communication.

No, not Brian Cashman, whining again in an endless radio interview about the evils of 2017. We’re talking Darth Vader himself, James Earl Jones.

If the Yankees are going to be called the Evil Empire anyway by outsiders, then they might as well embrace it. They also might as well win the ‘ship every so often just to really agitate their haters.

Ideally, this device helps serve both purposes by halting sign-stealing in its tracks and doing so with the booming voice of an evil warlord. “SIMBA … it’s a slider.”