3 terrible center field options Yankees must avoid this offseason

It’s rough out here in these click-obtaining streets, mid-MLB lockout. I don’t blame any MLB writer for pitching any form of speculation, tossing it out to the sharks, and seeing what sticks.

That said, someone over at SNY opted to pitch five potential center field options for the New York Yankees this week. An interesting idea, considering Aaron Hicks remains unreliably healthy and his aging curve isn’t promising. Unfortunately, all five of these options are the absolute pits.

All three of the names mentioned in this article also cross over to the companion piece. It’s like when Kramer showed up on “Murphy Brown”!

To put it bluntly, the article posited a world where the Yankees were heavily into turning themselves into a 74-88 team as quickly as possible. Like, couldn’t get enough of it, actually. The masculine urge to ruin your life swiftly thanks to your own poor decisions.

Of the five names mentioned, Kevin Pillar would be a joyful supplement to the roster in some capacity. He wouldn’t be a Plan A or B, per se, but we wouldn’t rule out his arrival. Same with Billy Hamilton, who proved in a pinch last season that he could contribute to a contender when he helped fill a gap with the Chicago White Sox (0.4 WAR in 127 at-bats, a modest contribution at best). That’d have to be a minor-league deal, but we’d get used to it.

The other three names? Absolute last resorts. Should not be part of your hypothesis. Have regularly participated in baseball’s worst games these past several seasons. Do not sign. Do not examine. Do not accidentally peek at in the mirror.

These 3 center field options would fix next to nothing for the Yankees.

3. Jake Marisnick

Truly, Jake Marisnick would be the David Dellucci of our time.

Other than adding a traitorous Houston Astro to the roster who also isn’t good — 83 trash can bangs over a 58-game span in 2017, though he’s very sorry (!) — there’s really no downside to solving your center field depth chart with this exceedingly dull move.

Marisnick is also reportedly nicknamed “Big Fudge,” which must be a reference to the massiveness of the lie he told all through ’17 en route to being crowned champion.

Last season, Marisnick split time between the Cubs (94 OPS+) and the Padres (35) after making a 33 at-bat cameo for the Mets in 2020. His heyday in Houston certainly mattered, though he was always the easiest out in that exceptional lineup, but since that ’17 season (now tainted), he hasn’t been above-average at the plate in any campaign.

At best, Marisnick would be a platoon option on a middling team desperately hoping to flip him at the deadline for shreds to a contender looking to fill the 25th spot on their roster. There’s very little reason for the Yankees to try to solve their center field disparity this offseason by actively making the position picture more incomplete.

Why would Marisnick be a better option than, say, the recently-signed Ender Inciarte in a pinch, who’s better on defense and brings speed to the diamond that Marisnick can’t provide? He wouldn’t be. So … we move on?

2. Juan Lagares

Gotta say, it feels very bad to be inspired by a fellow writer’s rampant speculation, and to write an entire article about it. Here were are, on section two. It’s still happening!

All jokes aside, this SNY fella was obviously working under the assumption the spendthrift Yankees would have to cut budget again this offseason despite ducking under the luxury tax. Sounds insane when you write it out, doesn’t it? Alas, it’s possible.

Even so … Juan La-f******-gares?

Juan Lagares is the Andrelton Simmons of Freddy Galvises, a defensive wizard whose bat could barely justify his regular role with the 2013-2015 Mets, two brutal teams and one that caught fire at the deadline (he only had 25 at-bats throughout the postseason that year, and actually hit .348, so egg on my face, lol what).

Now? He’s the guy who makes you toss your glove in frustration when you give up a single or a dinger to him. He’s the man who caused many Yankee fans to strike their couch cushions this summer when he somehow went 2-for-4 with a homer off Lucas Luetge in a 5-3 loss to the Angels. You remember it, right? That’s the game where Dylan Bundy — bad — puked on the mound and left early, giving the Yankees 7.1 innings to hit the bullpen. They did not. Then went 0-for-4 with RISP while the Angels went 0-for-10 and won. Ooh, baby. Take me back. More baseball please.

All of this is to say that the 2022 Yankees should absolutely not be pursuing the most frustratingly inept member of the frustratingly inept 2021 Angels unless they want to stick themselves firmly in the second division/cause opposing pitchers to question their very nature every time they allow an opposite-field dinger.

Lagares is another potential 25th man who solves very little. And he’s not even close to the worst option mentioned.