Yankees get turtle revenge with Gio Urshela home run troll


See, this is the kind of stuff I can’t be worried about in the middle of an extremely tight Wild Card race. The mainstream media shouldn’t be allowed to tell me, a Yankees fan, about the team’s lucky charm, only to rip him away seconds later after I’ve already decided he’s the most important thing on earth.

Is this all karmic punishment for making fun of the Red Sox lucky yellow jerseys? If so, I recant it. Those were awesome. They were so lucky they convinced the schedule-makers to give Boston games against the Orioles and reeling Mets.

Last week, there weren’t many positive vibes or positive people in this fan base, as the Yanks entered a series with the lowly Rangers coming off horrid home series with the Cleveland Future Guardians. The Bombers basically needed to go 9-3 down the stretch to even have a shot at making October.

Entering play on Tuesday, they’d started that stretch, against all odds, 6-0, with some very aesthetically pleasing comeback wins and Boston victories mixed in. So, who, or what, can we attribute this success to? Would you believe…something even dumber than a lucky jersey?

Nestor Cortes Jr. — of course it was Nestor — bought the team a turtle prior to their win streak, and the little dude apparently enjoys roaming around the locker room.

The turtle, nicknamed Bronxie, loves to wander around the clubhouse carpet and has only been captured thus far in one extremely blurry photo. He looks…huge, though?

The Blue Jays tried to harsh the Yankees’ mellow with Bronxie the Turtle, but they FAILED.

Unfortunately, the Yankees’ massive new undefeated lucky turtle friend…was not allowed north of the border.

All this, after we were explicitly told Bronxie would be at this week’s games at the Rogers Centre! Once again, my entire life is crashing down around me! I didn’t even know about Bronxie when I woke up this morning and now I would die for Bronxie!

If we’re trusting Aaron Boone, the team tried their darndest to sneak him past customs, but the officers just wouldn’t bite — either that, or somebody realized it was kind of foolish to carry a tortoise past country borders.

But friends…you won’t believe what happened next.

Our neighbors to the north tried to extinguish Bronxie’s flame. They tried to steal back karma. Heck, I wouldn’t even have been shocked if George Springer had emerged from the dugout with a troll turtle of his own during the series opener.

Well…it didn’t work.  Giancarlo Stanton went deep in the seventh on a ridiculous pitch buried at the knees, a changeup that moved as slowly as a…turtle. Then, to put a bow on things, Gio Urshela homered to make it 7-2 in the ninth.

That name again? Is Ur-SHELL-a.


The New York Yankees have now won seven games in a row, and have a two-game advantage on the Red Sox for home-field advantage in the Wild Card Game.

Every single game matters, but that’s something.

Perhaps Bronxie will see us all in the Bronx next Wednesday after all.