Yankees lose Gerrit Cole to shocking positive COVID test

The Yankees are playing a season so deeply buried in hell that, when the elevator opens, Satan asks if Cashman, Boone and Co. would like to try a circle that’s a bit further down.

Everything was temporarily working over the weekend. The offense wasn’t clicking on all cylinders, sure, but deadline acquisition Anthony Rizzo had posted one of the greatest debut weekends any new Yankee had ever provided (seriously) in franchise history. Jameson Taillon and Jordan Montgomery were both dominant.

The team was coming home to show 6.19 ERA possessor Jorge Lopez exactly what it meant to be facing the New Yankees on their home turf. Expect an offensive showcase. Expect a demonstrative turning of the page.

Nope.

The “New Yankees” almost got no-hit by one of the game’s worst pitchers. A cat dominated the headlines. The team lost 7-1, and went 0-11 with runners in scoring position.

At least they had Gerrit Cole poised to pitch Tuesday, trying to turn the tide and recapture the second game of the series against a last-place team.

Nope. Several weeks after their large-scale COVID outbreak, Cole has also tested positive.

Yankees ace Gerrit Cole has tested positive for COVID-19.

Send us to Spring Training, please. Stop paddling us. Stop trying to force us to root for the Rays in their showdown for the AL East with the Boston Red Sox.

This year has been pure pain almost from beginning to end, with a brief respite provided by Rizzo. Any chance Cashman wants to take a time machine to July 30 and un-buy?

Somehow, the Yankees have been largely destitute in Cole’s starts so far in 2021, posting a 10-11 record in his 21 starts. Nestor Cortes Jr. will start in his place on Tuesday, which leaves the Domingo German start later in the week — which we all thought would be taken by Cortes Jr. — completely unattended.

No matter how you feel about post-Spider Tack Cole, losing him for at least 10 days with a stunning positive (again, weeks after a team-wide outbreak) is another gut punch after three days without a gut punch. Just three days! Most teams manage to go weeks without them. The 2021 Yankees leave their gut unguarded every couple of days just to be reminded they’re a disaster.

Can the Yankees make the playoffs? Sure. But they’ve thrived on turning positives into negatives all year long. On Monday, they turned a negative three-hour loss into a positive test.