Yankees: Red Sox whining about playing NYY Thursday night

Based on 2021’s results to date, you’d think every member of the Boston Red Sox would be thrilled about traveling to the Bronx to play an extra Yankees game this week. Imagine getting another chance to head on the road and feast on these cold bodies in the stadium where they recently owned you?!

Apparently, rest is more important.

Streaking Boston outfielder Kiké Hernández seems to have recently discovered ESPN’s nationally-televised schedule quirk, which features one rivalry game on the Thursday after the All-Star break, separate from every other team’s set of worries.

This year, it’s Sox-Yanks, the first of a four-game set in the Bronx as the Bombers desperately try to remain relevant. And Hernández wants no part of it, somehow finding a reason to be upset about being way ahead of the pack in the American League.

No Boston athlete — even Tom Brady! — ever wants to feel like the favorite. Usually, they manufacture disrespect in order to feel like everyone’s against them, even though they’re among the richest and most popular teams in each and every sport.

Though MLB’s most effective marketing in recent decades has surrounded the Sox and their cash cow curse-breaking, Hernández is still pretty sure the league hates his teammates. Sure.

Kiké Hernández doesn’t want to play Yankees-Red Sox.

Oh, woe is you, right? Woe is your entire roster!

Just so I have this clear, Hernández, who intends to play well into October, is rankled by an early start to the second half, the clearest sign of disrespect we can think of. Hey, anybody want to go back through Boston’s schedule so far this year? Check off any other spots where MLB was unfair to the Red Sox?

(Clears throat)

In April, the Red Sox played the Rays three times (at home). In May? Zero times. In April, the Red Sox played the Orioles six times (in their first nine games). In May? Four more. 10 times! Now that’s how you craft a hot start, if you’re the league office and you want to see Boston succeed.

Road trips during these months included: Baltimore, Minnesota, the Mets, the Rangers, Baltimore again, the Jays in Florida, and the Phillies. Wow. The absolute gauntlet. How were the Sox able to keep their head screwed on straight?

This team is just the worst, man. Even as they’re tripping their way into their second generationally-improbable season in the last eight years, they still find a reason to feel aggrieved. “Nobody respects us! It’s so hard to be us!”

Meanwhile, the schedule-makers gave you two months of gifts only to present you with another four-game series against a Yankees team that’s at its absolute wits’ end, ready for you to pummel them.

So sorry your four-game sweep starts a day earlier than you wanted it to, sire.