Yankees: Do we believe JD Martinez on Boston’s sticky stuff?

Major League Baseball is on the war path in an attempt to clean up the use of foreign substances — aka “sticky stuff” — on the baseball. If they succeed in their midseason gambit, look for both offense and pitcher elbow injuries to increase. Yippee!

Don’t expect any grand changes in the Boston Red Sox clubhouse, though, Yankees fans. According to Sox slugger JD Martinez, they’re the one clean team. Nothing to see here.

Isn’t this just the way it goes sometimes? Gerrit Cole, one of the estimated 80-90% of pitchers who’s used adhesive substances at one point or another, somehow becomes the face of the scandal just because of some goofy text messages and Josh Donaldson’s big mouth.

Meanwhile, Martinez is over here making sure the media knows his Sox are squeaky clean.

Whether you believe a tacky baseball is akin to a steroid needle or if you think it’s no big deal, the one agreed-upon fact is the stuff is everywhere.

Except Boston. JD Martinez asked the guys. Chalk up another benefit for the BoSox!

Yankees fans, do we believe JD Martinez when he says no Red Sox pitchers use sticky stuff?

No. That’s … literally impossible.

“I’ve talked to the guys, and … yeah. Even though 80-90% of pitchers employ foreign substances, and even though members of our starting staff recently pitched in Philadelphia, San Diego, and Minnesota before joining our organization, they’re totally clean. Nary a blip. Everyone but us. Hey, do me a favor, don’t look in the video room?”

Of course, the last time Martinez made excuses for something — namely, his poor 2020 — he clearly knew more than we did, and was able to get himself right back on track. Guess that counts for something.

Did he only ask Red Sox starting pitchers? Or everyone on the team? Because it seems, anecdotally, like he might’ve missed someone.

Yeah, that’s old friend Adam Ottavino, who’s seen his spin rates plummet faster than his usefulness in October.

This isn’t to be mean or spotlight Ottavino as the Boston bullpen’s only user. We don’t even really have a problem with the use of grip substances, as long as it’s policed fairly, properly, and likely not in the middle of a season.

This is simply to say that, no matter what Rob Manfred says, this trend is likely to be pervasive long past mid-June.

Just ask … well, JD Martinez, who called pitchers “dumb” if they … don’t use … substances?

So, just to clear things up, no Red Sox pitchers use illegal substances, and any pitcher who doesn’t use illegal substances is dumb.

Thanks for doing the work for our side, JD.

Shockingly (Ed. note: Not shockingly), Martinez’s own starter on Wednesday night also counteracted his argument immediately following a wild 10-8 victory in Atlanta. Garrett Richards outright stated that, without whatever he’d been using, he was forced to nearly abandon his curveball, and moving forward, his arsenal will look a lot different.

Richards surrendered six runs (four earned) in four innings pitched, and might set out to develop a changeup midseason to give himself a change of pace.

Pretend all you want like this is a grand advantage for the Sox, JD, but it seems like a lot of pitchers — yours included — are scrambling here, thanks to Rob Manfred.

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