Want a Christmas ornament of New York Yankees slugger Aaron Judge? Not really? Well, what if I told you it looked terrible?
Even though it’s been a year unlike any other, Yankees fans are feeling extra festive in 2020, attempting to block out the noise by celebrating the yuletide like there’s no tomorrow.
Not sure anyone’s going to be desperate enough to make this purchase, though.
The Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders survived the Yankees’ recent minor-league purge, which is great! Class organization all the way that definitely deserves to be a part of our future.
Unfortunately, that good fortune didn’t prevent them from unleashing a real Twilight Zone twist of a Nutcracker on the good people of Pennsylvania on Tuesday. This wooden Aaron Judge could hang on your tree, or its shadow could flash along your wall in the middle of the night brandishing a knife. Who’s to say?
Maybe when that Rays announcer was rooting for an Aaron Judge injury in the ALDS, he was actually just asking someone to take a hatchet to this nightmare?
I’m a veteran of baseball memorabilia collecting, and as such, I’ve seen my fair share of poor porcelain representations of professional athletes. We all love bobbleheads, but one in every 20 looks a little bit like the person it’s supposed to resemble, and the other 19 look like Martin Short. Staring Lineup figurines all basically borrow the same face. Sports video game character graphics are generally so brutal that I had no idea MVP ’05’s Jon Dowd wasn’t supposed to look like Barry Bonds.
Taking all the information into account, this is the worst likeness of any professional athlete I’ve ever seen.
This looks like an orthodontist’s promo photo, taken with the kid already in the chair chomping on that plastic. It’s what Giancarlo Stanton looked like after Mike Fiers drilled him in the mouth. Is this Aaron Judge, or Alex Rodriguez midway through peeing on his cousin’s floor?
Hey, at least the shoulders are normal! (Checks earpiece) OK, I’m being told that they are not.
So, in case you don’t have enough to be nervous about this offseason, Yankees fans, grab a Scranton/Wilkes-Barre ticket package and they’ll even throw in some nightmare fuel.
Batteries not included! Technically, it doesn’t need batteries, but we’re sure it’ll eat ’em if you just sort of leave them there.