Rob Manfred is a bad MLB Commissioner. These 100 people would be better.
If you didn’t hate Rob Manfred before he stumbled to the stage at ESPN and tried to steal a season from the New York Yankees as a limp-wristed negotiation tactic (or an embarrassing admission of failure), then surely you hate him now.
Perhaps it’s impossible to do the bidding of the owners if the owners want you to ruin the game you’re supposed to stand for, but even so, Manfred has done an awful job as a steward for the game. Conversely, he has made the game disappear.
We’d love to replace him and let someone else lead the negotiating to bring the 2020 MLB season back. Therefore, we now present 100 options who would make better commissioners than Rob Manfred.
Which of these 100 commissioners do you endorse, Yankees fans?
1. Bob Costas
2. Labor Lawyer Donald Fehr
3. Joe Torre
4. Jayson Stark
5. Ken Rosenthal
6. Ken Rosenthal’s Bowtie
7. Ken Rosenthal’s Platform Shoes
8. Rob Manfred’s cooler cousin Derek Manfred (he’s from out of town)
9. Max Scherzer
10. Sean Doolittle
12. Rikk Wilde, the sweaty guy who gave MadBum a truck
13. Willy Wonka (understands the importance of competition)
14. Haley Steinbrenner Swindal
15. Challenger the Eagle
16. Potential Browns GM Condoleezza Rice
17. Freddy Sez
18. NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman, who is also bad.
19. Bill Burr/Joe Rogan
20. Bill Hader/Seth Rogen
21. Jomboy/Talkin’ Jake
22. Paul O’Neill
23. Kyrie Irving
24. Ronan Tynan
25. The PC Richard & Son Whistle
26. Yankees Ace Gerrit Cole’s Wife Amy (Who Throws Chedd)
27. Yankees Ace Gerrit Cole’s Unborn Child (Who Also Throws Chedd)
28. Wally the Green Monster
29. Wally the Regular Monster
30. Wall-E, the Trash Robot
31. Jeff Probst
32. Richard Hatch
33. A Glowing Brand (knows about growing a brand)
34. (Gulps for 70 full minutes, inhaling a swarm of bees) Fine, Trevor Bauer.
35. Vitruvian Manfred
36. ManFred Willard
37. Bob Manfred. Doesn’t that just…sound like a better leader?
38. Derek Jeter’s Ford Edge
39. The One Hall of Fame Voter Who Didn’t Vote for Derek Jeter
40. Mariano Rivera
41. Tanyon Sturtze
42. Paul Quantrill/Tom Gordon
43. Jeff Nelson/Mike Stanton
44. Cespedes Family BBQ
45. Yoenis Cespedes
46. The Pig He Was BBQing
47. CEO of ’47 Brand
48. Jacob deGrom
49. Jimmy Garoppolo
51-62. The Apostles (Even Judas)
63. Brutus (At least a stab in the back happens quickly)
64-70. Seven men all named “7” after Mickey Mantle
71-78. The Eight Mysterious Nerds Who Ran My AV Club in HS (They Hated Baseball)
79-87. The 1919 Black Sox starting lineup
88. Whoever the Best WR on the Dallas Cowboys is at Any Given Time
89. A Charley Horse That Never Goes Away
90. A Charley Horse That Goes Away Long Enough for One Face-to-Face Meeting With Tony Clark
91. Dr. Deborah Birx
92. Dr. Anthony Fauci
93. Dr. Literally Any Doctor
94. Two Bud Seligs stacked on each other’s shoulders, trying to sneak into a “No Bud Seligs Allowed” club in a trench coat.
At least they have a viewpoint.
So, which person, place, thing, or Rikk Wilde has your vote? Remember, they can’t possibly do worse than the man we’ve got in charge! Sound off in the comments, or through clenched teeth into your pillow!