Yankees: 3 Players Who Are Definitely Losing Their Minds During Quarantine

3. Brett Gardner

We can’t see Brett Gardner handling the quarantine very well.

This was supposed to be it! Brett Gardner was coming back to the Yankees on a one-year deal for a potential swan song, hoping to secure the team’s 28th title (and his second) and disappear to a berry farm in Holly Hill, SC forever or something. This delay in gratification alone is likely enough to send Gardy into a frenzy, but not the good kind.

And see, that’s the thing. Banging your regular roof with a bat is a lot more destructive; we’re sure Gardner would rather be sending dugout plaster to the ground with reckless abandon.

Plus, without his teammates to tickle and get hot-headed at, we don’t think Gardy in isolation is getting the validation he craves right now. He’s probably a real ornery sum’bitch.

2. Luke Voit

Luke Voit’s forearms are probably the size of Peter Luger steaks, thanks (?) to quarantine.

Whatever amount of weightlifting Luke Voit is doing right now, it’s not healthy.

After a standout, All-Star-type start to 2019, Voit saw his campaign cut short by a hernia that sapped him of all motor functions. Quite literally, it took a shredded stomach to stop him. If you don’t think Voit was ready to channel that missed opportunity into making 2020 his humble servant, then you’re flat-out wrong.

But with no season to participate in, it seems likely Voit is diving back into making his exceedingly jacked frame even more jacked during his downtime. Real messed-up stuff. Hooking pulleys and cords to his forearms, trying to bend beams, cracking walnuts with his eyelid muscles, that type of stuff.

When Voit finally emerges from his cave, I don’t want to be the one to tell him he’s hitting seventh, as opposed to “all positions one-through-nine”.

1. Tommy Kahnle

New York Yankees relief weirdo Tommy Kahnle probably isn’t functioning too well right now.

We love him, but Tommy Kahnle’s barely a functioning human being in a normal environment. How is he possibly dealing with 24-7 isolation, with no defined end date, and no guarantee of an Eagles training camp to look forward to?!

We kid, but…we also kind of don’t.

The bullpen wildman has become as vaunted for (Unintelligible Tommy Noises) as he is for his devastating changeup. Without Zack Britton and company to annoy, yelp for, or charge at, how is Kahnle occupying his time?

Where is he right now, now that the MLB 2K tournament has wrapped? Anyone seen the king lately?

Nobody needs Spring Training 2.0 more than Tommy Kahnle, at least so he can finally be around 24 other men who may not understand his deal, but at least comprehend why the sound machine is happening.