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The Yankees are left to struggle with “The Contursi Curse!”

By Donnie Passmore

(Photo by Nick Laham/Getty Images)
(Photo by Nick Laham/Getty Images) /
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The Yankees and no one else knows when it started or how it started. But, “The Contursi Curse” is real. Some say it started as far back as the early sixties. All we know for sure is, “The Contursi Curse” appears every year like Pig Pen’s cloud as it descends on Yankee Stadium!

The Yankees were the furthest thing from my mind. It was 6:15 am central standard time, I was just pulling out of the driveway. Headed towards my youngest son’s house, to get the youngest grand-kids off to school. Suddenly,  about a half way there my g-mail went off, on my cellphone. A quick glance and it was none other than my site Expert, one Steve Contursi. Dam I thought to myself: “Wonder what he wants, this early.”

I quickly gather breakfast for the kids and fired up my son’s Keurig. Dam does my boy like strong coffee. Good thing, for little, did I know, I was going to need it. Now, I stare into this black cup of Joe clearing my head of the cobwebs built up from the night of sleep. Dam, I wish I had brought some Folgers, this stuff is strong!

Well, no time like the present to see what Steve wants. I open the e-mail, and I feel this overwhelming impending doom spreading over my mind as I read. Just like the Brooks and Dunn song Steve proudly proclaims: “I’ve shaved my face. I’ve paid my money. I want to hear some Sinatra singing in Yankee-land.

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Wait, what does this mean. My mind still half asleep just doesn’t quite comprehend what I am reading. Then it dawns on me “The Contursi Curse” is headed towards the Bronx. I take a quick glance at the Yankee schedule.  “Oh no, it’s a double-header against the Indians.”

Got to find out who is pitching. I look at the pitching match-ups. Crap, Jamie Garcia is going in the first game. Well, at least he is a veteran. Maybe, just maybe he will know how to deal with a curse. Next,  I see that a rookie, Jordan Montgomery,  will take the hill, the second game. Dammit, Gumby will end up looking like Mr. Bill on Saturday Night Live. Steam rolled by those Indians on the Warpath. Just like Sluggo does Mr. Bill!

I quickly drop to one knee and offer a little pray for my Yankees. On this day that “The Contursi Curse” is going to Yankee Stadium. Now, I am begging for a flat tire, traffic jam or anything to at least keep Steve away from the first game of the twin bill. We have to win one of the two, Boston will be at the stadium tomorrow, and the Bronx bombers are only 3.5 games out of first.

It’s now 10:30 am central standard time, and to my amazement, the only thing to slow down Steve on his 90-minute drive from the Catskills, was his repeated need to get rid of that excess java he has consumed on the way. He enters the stadium with red swollen wide open eyes as he takes his seats two rows behind the Indians dugout. “The Contursi Curse” begins again in earnest.

Wait, there is a silver lining in this impending cloud of doom. I have surgery today. I will be unconscious and not able to hear the sickening news of my phone updates. I breathe a sigh of relief, as I realize that Steve Contursi and “The Contursi Curse” will be in Yankee Stadium. For I will be in a Peoria hospital. That means when I leave the hospital this afternoon, I will not be singing soprano! See there is a good after all!

Next: Will Greg Bird be more like Moose Skowron or Nick Johnson

The call has gone out for a really big man, to halt “The Contursi Curse.” One Carsten Charles Sabathia is that man. Thank god CC is own our side.

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