Yankees: Predicting The Top Five Predictions For 2017

: Jonathan Dyer-USA TODAY Sports
: Jonathan Dyer-USA TODAY Sports /

The Yankees 2017 season, predictably, is prone to be pre-judged by predictions. But predictably, not all of these predictions will pan out. Here’s a brief list of predictions that are guaranteed to be widespread, and therefore irrelevant because everyone is making the same prediction.

As the Yankees get closer to opening the season in Tampa on April 2, the number of predictions about the team and its players will increase exponentially. To save everyone’s time, I predict that the following predictions will be predicted.

Gleyber Torres Is Destined For the Bronx Before The Season Ends

Well, of course, he is. How else do you think the Yankees can sell tickets for games in September when the Boston Red Sox have a ten and a half game lead on the guys in Pinstripes.

Torres could be in the lineup even sooner if the naysayer’s prediction that the Yankees are barely a .500 team becomes a reality. But the real question that calls for a thoughtful prediction is this one. How long can the Yankees ignore this guy and pretend that he’s not ready for prime time?

Already, Joe Girardi is being forced to notice Torres in Spring Training, and there hasn’t even been a game played. And you can see from this quote in the New York Daily News that it’s killing him to not go full throttle in his praise of the kid:

"“Obviously when we acquired him his name was the big name in that trade, and then he won MVP of the Fall League,” Girardi said. “He’s a strong young man who uses the whole field. He’s got a lot of life in his bat. He’s played shortstop awhile, so I see why people are excited about him. And we’re very excited about him.”"

Predictably, Brian Cashman trumps everyone, though, and come hell or high water; he will imprison Torres in the minors if only to keep him another year removed from free agency.

Derek Jeter Will Showered With Gifts For The Baby On Mother’s Day

This prediction is literally “made in heaven.” Derek is now a family man, and on the day his number is retired he will not be receiving the obligatory trip to Tahiti from the players, or a painting from Hal Steinbrenner and family depicting his triumph when his final hit in his last at-bat won the game for the Yankees.

Oh, no. Instead, Mariano Rivera will roll out a baby carriage,  Andy Pettitte will present Jeter’s wife with a dozen roses, and Jorge Posada will present Derek with a book titled “How To Change A Baby’s Diaper In Two Minutes Or Less” and signed by the entire 1996 Championship Team.

And finally, Jeter will predictably be predictable when he delivers his speech thanking “most of all” the greatest fans in the world.

Don’t bet against me on this one.

Joe Girardi Will never Be Seen Smiling In The Dugout

No one in a Yankees uniform is more predictable than the stoic Girardi. And the only thing more predictable is that he will overuse his bullpen and underuse his starting staff.

The “Joe Girardi Show” will continue to run on YES every Sunday afternoon, but all of the shows will be taped simultaneously in May as one show that runs weekly since Girardi will have run out of cliches by then.

Girardi will do one interview with WFAN’s Mike Francesca, but won’t won’t be able to get a word in edgewise.

Girardi will, however, do a more than credible job of managing the Yankees in 2017 and a storm of controversy will arise as to whether or not the Yankees should offer him a contract extension.

Instead, Girardi will silence everyone and decide to return home to manage the Chicago White Sox to a Division title in 2019.

Yankees Radio Announcer, John Sterling, Will Be Stymied

Sterling will, predictably, roll out a “Here Comes The Judge” call whenever Aaron Judge hits a home run. And he’ll make do with “Chris Cracks A C-Bomb” for Chris Carter.

But, he’ll be completely stymied when the Yankees call up Ji-Man Choi, and he hits on in the seats.

And his sidekick, Suzyn Waldman, can be predicted to utter, “Yes John, that’s right” no more than 37 times a broadcast.

But, you can bet against me on that one.

And Finally, All Predictions About Players Will Be Predicated With……..

Next: This Week In Yankees History

Barring injury………..