Yankees Editorial: Writing Back to Alex Rodriguez

Dear Alex Rodriguez,

Gosh, this is fun! I haven’t had a pen pal since you were on the Seattle Mariners. Reading your handwritten apology was like microwaving a really old Lean Cuisine you just found in the back of your fridge. Now that it’s finally in front of you, it doesn’t look appealing at all, and you’ll probably just throw it out.

The purpose of this response is to inform you that your apology has been, as I’m sure you’d expect, irrefutably rejected.

Don’t worry about respect, approval, or appreciation from the fans you’ve insulted with your actions for the past 10 years. You don’t need it. You have a lovely family, and a close circle of friends (I’m sure) who will give you all of that going forwards.

Instead, just play the game of baseball you claim to be so passionate about. Play it hard, play it clean, and keep your mouth shut. When games are over, you have a free pass from fans to just leave the Stadium. We don’t want you to be the new mouthpiece for the team, so there’s no need to stay and chat with the media.

Impart your vast knowledge onto some of the younger players we’re excited about. Just don’t give any tips on conditioning, and please don’t introduce them to your cousin.

Stay out of Page Six and any other tabloids. A New York Yankee should never be in the same publication as Snooki.

We don’t even expect you to stay healthy. Why should we? Any clean ballplayer with your kind of mileage has all the right in the world to call it quits over injuries. You’re not doing us any favors if you’re still hurt. Stay honest and hang it up when you are done. Come back as a coach, if you can find a place that will hire you.

We really wanted to like, you, Alex, and for a while, we really did. Thank you for your great work bringing a championship to New York in 2009. Thank you for allowing the Core Four and other great Yankees to end their careers without hogging the spotlight too much. Thank you for writing two pages by hand, in somewhat legible cursive, like a bully finally apprehended by the school principal.

Let’s just wind down this insane, surreal soap opera for the final time — together.

We’re the ones who should be sorry, Alex. If it wasn’t for you, we could have had Alfonso Soriano for a few more years!

Sincerely,

A Lifelong New York Yankees Fan

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Yankees Editorial: Writing Back to Alex Rodriguez

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