Yankees Crowned Kings of Queens

Feb 20, 2014; Tampa, FL, USA; New York Yankees infielder

(2) laughs during warmups during morning practice at George M. Steinbrenner Field. Mandatory Credit: Tommy Gilligan-USA TODAY Sports

Opening Day for most MLB teams is March 31^st, but for the hapless New York Mets, it may as well be April Fools Day. A recently released poll shows the Yankees are more popular than the Mets amongst all of New York’s citizens. Yes, even in Queens, ostensibly the Mets’ home borough. That brings us to the topic of today’s Chad News Bears.

It’s hard not to feel bad about this, until one remembers it’s the Mets, and fits of laughter start. No, I’m being unfair, the Mets put on a good show. Last season they started “Fireworks Night,” setting off pyrotechnics during the game. The tactic proved to be so popular that they will be continuing Fireworks Night without the Mets playing in order to draw bigger crowds.

Okay, okay, sorry about that. I kid, Met-heads, I kid. There is good news about your starting pitcher there, uh, whatshisname, whichever one isn’t hurt, that guy. Anyway, he’s getting up to speeds above 95 mph, so that’s pretty exciting. Of course, then he gets out of his car and gets shelled, but you have to start somewhere.

Seriously though, the Mets hold a special place in the hearts of Yankee fans. It’s nice to have an “away” ballpark just a subway ride’s distance from the Stadium. And, like the little cartoon dog jumping over the big one, saying “Whadda we gonna do today, Spike,” it’s nice to be validated as the Alpha Dog constantly, as this survey proves.

Met-heads generally know their place, and they’re good enough to provide the Canyon of Heroes with their shredded season tickets for the Yankees’ ticker tape parades. It also needs to be said that without the Mets, New York City would be over-run with flying rodents. After all, nothing kills bats faster than a Mets lineup.

So we just want you to know, Met-heads, to keep looking up, just like you have to do in the standings. I’m also happy to see you will be honoring the military with camouflage jerseys this season. The best way for you to honor the military is to not let them see you play, so that’s a step in the right direction.

I’m also very flattered by your offer to have me pitch for you. Your scout has a fine eye to recognize my talent, tossing a baseball up and down in Toys R Us. No, seriously, the offer wasn’t for me, it was for my son. But he’s only a year old and can’t walk yet, so I think we’ll see how that pans out first. We’ll get back to you.

I was very impressed by the offer, though, even if it was written on a cocktail napkin in crayon. You spelled everything correctly. Okay, I’m being nice, but mostly everything.

Anyway, we just want the Mets to know that we want the best for them, and wish them the best of luck on their new contest; Name Three Mets Other Than David Wright. Winner gets seats on the dugout to a Yankees game. Can anybody out there help me with this one, by the way?

Okay, Mets, I don’t think I’m doing a good job of cheering you up. I don’t mean to make you feel bad. Just remember, when all is said and done, the New York Mets are the team to beat.

We know that because everyone beats them.

Play ball!