Johnny Damon’s new deal has a no-integrity clause

At first I didn’t mind Johnny Damon leaving for that extra million dollars. He was pretty classy in NY, always said the right thing, played hard, won a title and I wished him well. I was even holding out hope he might return to pinstripes in 2010 via a trade. I might have joked around about him being a greedy pig, but I really did wish him the best. I honestly did.

However, all that has changed with a few quotes. Get a load of what That Bastard said at his introductory press conference in Detroit:

"This was the place I wanted to be…actually after I played for the Red Sox, Detroit was the number one team I wanted to sign with. After four great years in New York, finally it worked out."

Holy shit. What a scumbag. Just shut your mouth because nobody’s buying your shtick about how excited you are to play with the Tigers. If you actually wanted to sign with them after Boston you would have, but they didn’t offer you enough dough. You just lost all credibility. Now everybody can see that you just care about the money. If Detroit didn’t offer you the best deal you wouldn’t have signed with them and be playing this charade. YOU ARE FULL OF SHIT AND I HATE YOU!

But wait, he keeps going:

"I feel real good about this. This is definitely a lot different than my last press conference when I switched teams, I actually feel like I belong here."

“I actually feel like I belong here.” Are you kidding me? That is just absurd. You only feel like you belong because you got the most money. You’re clearly just blowing smoke up Detroit’s ass.

His act this time around seems a lot similar to something I’ve heard before…I just can’t remember where:

"I know where I want to be next year. I want to be in New York."

Oh, that’s right. It was straight from the horses mouth as Damon, just a few weeks ago, professed his love for the Big Apple and everything that goes along with playing in it.

The only reason Damon ever left Boston was because they wouldn’t give him a four-year deal. So, as I said before, YOU ARE FULL OF SHIT AND I HATE YOU, JOHNNY DAMON! You really burned a bridge in this case and I hope you tear an ACL in spring training.

I can’t wait ’til next offseason when you bolt town and Detroit fans get to see what a greedy bastard you really are. People of Detroit: It’s only a matter of time before this cocksucker stabs you in the back for a little more money. Don’t be fooled by what he says, he did it to Boston and now he’s done it to New York.

He comes off like a guy who’s just happy to don your team’s cap, but that’s just because Scott Boras is putting words in his mouth. He doesn’t care about the Tigers, just that they are sending him a check every payday.

Don’t get me started on Boras. It’s his fault Damon never re-signed with the Yankees, according to Ken Rosenthal. If that is true, I hope Boras loses every single client he has. If true, it’s just despicable and he should be blackballed from MLB.

I don’t know who is the bigger asshole in this case: on one hand, Damon might just be doing whatever his agent tells him to do. On the other hand, it takes two to tango. The best case scenario would be Johnny Damon playing a few more years and accumulating A LOT in salary, and then falling prey to another Allen Stanford. You broke my heart Johnny Damon, go blow an AIDS patient.

I hope BIG was right: mo’ money, mo’ problems.