An open letter to A-Rod:

Dear Mr. Rodriguez,

I want to wholeheartedly apologize to you: I’m sorry for cursing your name under my breath every chance I got, I’m sorry for shouting obscenities at the TV every time you didn’t hit a home run and I’m sorry for only referring to you as ‘Purple Lips’. I’m sure it’s some sort of medical issue you have no control over.

Your postseason play speaks for itself this year, and I don’t know where the Yanks would be without your services. So, again, I’m sorry. I knew not what I was talking about. I can’t apologize enough for my actions, and I hope you can look past my regrettable decisions.

Just for the record: you are not a piece of shit, I do not wish bodily harm upon you and you are in no way, shape or form a no-talent ass clown. I’M SORRY!!!! Also, I’m sure the Jeter obsession was perfectly justified. Just to be sure we’ll pretend that never happened.

Furthermore, the way you returned so quickly from hip surgery this season was impressive. I think it speaks volumes about your character and I will never mention, and do my darnedest to forget all about, that 4-for-41 performance with no RBI over 12 postseason games (plus all your other struggles). It’s water under a bridge. I just hope you can forgive me, and I will never, ever take your name in vain again.

Sincerely,

The entire New York Yankees fan base

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