Yankees Have A Winning Formula No Team Can Copy

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Young Yankees are already showing salivation-worthy promise. But rebuilding with a youth movement is nothing new. The Cubs did it in fine fashion last year, and now many clubs are trying to collect a small army of minor league talent; yeah, that’s right Chicago White Sox, I’m looking at you. But no other team in the league—in any league—can or will restart their winning ways in the same (secret) Yankees way.

The Yankees today are still more promise than production. They are off to a great start, but it’s a long season. All we can say with certainty today is that the most they can lose this year are 152 games. Comforting.

But there is a lot of promise in the production we have seen. The Yankees are not just playing; they are winning…a lot. Aaron Judge has cut down on strikes and is hitting a home run almost every day. The one he hit on the 19^th went so high it made God flinch. Tanaka is the ace again, and Severino looks ready for a titular challenge. Even Greg Bird has broken out and is writing “Extra Bases” on every ball he hits.

Okay, that’s the easy part. Yes, the Yankees have put together a first place team with great young players and look like world beaters. Been there, dynasty-ed that. No, recently revealed documents have revealed the Yankees secret plan, and it is pure Evil Empire*.

Do Doot Da Do Doot Da Do Doot Da Do

Over two-plus years ago, the Yankees held a meeting in Tampa, in the Old Man’s old office. All the power players were there although some of them merely appeared as 3-dimensional projections, ala Ben Kenobi. They could see the end coming for guys such as Teixeira and A-Rod, and they knew they needed a change.

But that change could not be like any other. There was an edict from on high, and no one could leave that room until a plan could be made. The edict? More of a litany: no losing seasons, no extra money spent until after 2017, and the team must immediately get both younger and better at the same time.

And they must start winning no later than the Fall of 2016. Remember that this was during Tex’s last year and a full year and a half before aging A-Rod retires. Still, the Steinbrenners demanded that the Yanks not just add talent but be assured the Yankees would win more games with these new players.

That last one was a tall order. It proved to be the real sticking point. Suggestions were made, and arguments ensued. The consensus seemed hopeless. Until one young, the unnamed executive came up with a new, and revolutionary, idea. And it is this concept that has led to the current success.

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The amazing thing was, and is, the simplicity of the plan: the Yankees needed to become less talented.

The best way to improve the club, he argued, is to remove the best players, even if that player is a baby Yankee. Only then will underperforming players be forced to fulfill their potential, kind of like activating their mutant powers. They did not have to permanently part with all of these players; a temporary separation would work. This might have been the most stunning suggestion since Bill Veeck penciled in Eddie Gaedel.

The funny thing was, no one objected.

For several moments, in fact, no one spoke at all. Then a quavering voice was heard; it agreed. Maybe it was the time of day (4:45 AM), perhaps it was desperation, maybe it was the shock of the new; either way, soon every person agreed to implement this plan. And the first thing was to come up with a mathematical formula; that’s where Hal’s super nerd powers came in.

A Technical Issue

I have seen the final recipe, and it breaks down like this. First, the team must take the total talent of a team and divide it by the number of players on that team. That number is then assigned to each player. Next, the most talented player must be identified and the percentage of total talent that player contributes to the team. Finally, a projection is made on how much additional talent will pour into the remaining players if the most talented player is removed.

It got pretty technical after that and I had to consult an expert. I spoke with Dr. Tom F. Oolery at the Clinic for Baseball Statistics and this is the best I can explain it. Let us say there are four players on a team, each with 25% of the talent. To make three of the players better, one of the players must be removed. That would mean the remaining players would receive an almost 32 percent increase in talent.

The results are obvious. Instead of having four good players, the team now has three great players, each man now having 33% of the total talent. And most teams are better off having a few great players instead of a lot of mediocre ones. When the formula was complete and the logic proved unassailable, the die was cast.

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That’s exactly what they did in 2016. The bullpen was not just the unquestioned strength of the team; it was the best in baseball. And the two best players on the team were Andrew Miller and Aroldis Chapman. At the same time, their worst player might have been rapidly aging A-Rod; it was time to move on. Tex was not exactly his 2009 version, and The Yankees Senate agreed it was time to bring up a bevy of baby Yankees.

It was also agreed that the only way to get the best from at least one of the players was to surround all of them with less talent and see who responded. Only in that way could they help the players and, by extension, the team.

They were mainly focused on helping Sanchez, as he struggled in his earlier call-up but had the most potential. And this is why the Yankees traded Miller and Chapman, at least according to my sources.

When the move was made, many in the Empire held their breath, uncertain of the results but unable by Yankees law to question the emperor upon pain of being traded to Kansas City. Not the team, just the city. A fate worse than death.

The Results are In

And it worked. I need only point to the historical performance by Gary Sanchez and the sudden improvement in the fortunes of the club for the remainder of the 2016 season. Even Aaron Judge and Tyler Austin provided some history, at least for one night. That’s more than a lot of players—players such as Archie “Moonlight” Graham—ever get.

And when the season was done, and the removals had done their job, Chapman was free to return. To some in the Yankees hierarchy, the plan had clearly been successful. Others, though, were not so sure. They wanted more definitive proof.

First, they pointed out that Judge and Austin were ultimately not successful last year. And Greg Bird was coming back from an awful Fall League performance. Severino and Pineda both stunk on ice last season. Yankees up and down the Empire were reminded by Hal that all of these players needed to improve vastly and quickly. And in the first week of spring training, it looked like none of them had.

Mandatory Credit: Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports /

It was time to remove more talent. And that is the real reason, as what might be (but are most definitely not) court documents suggest, that Didi Gregorius played in the World Baseball Classic and why he got, “injured.” He was ordered to do both by Emperor Hal. Let me ask you: have YOU seen Didi since he supposedly got injured? No? Then how do you know he is hurt?

And it worked again! Judge, Bird, Severino and Pineda all began to excel and sustained that excellence as camp went along. But then the regular season started, and it was clear that Didi’s talent was only good enough to help during the preseason. Something had to be done.

Talent Will Out

So, even though everyone in the Yankees brain trust believed that both Bird and Sanchez would soon come out of their malaise, the decision was made to remove Sanchez even before that. He had done enough the previous August and September to prove he is the most talented player on the team.

Which is all the more reason to have him removed. It seemed the only way to re-ignite their slumping sluggers and strike throwers. And that brings us to the “injury” to Gary Sanchez. Once again we have an entirely internal injury that only Yankees doctors have examined. I watched that game. All I saw was a man begin to hold his arm after what looked like an innocuous swing. Only Superman and the Yankees know if he is injured.

And it worked again! Judge, Severino, Pineda and Bird (eventually) all became the best versions of themselves. Even better, of course, is that the Yankees almost immediately began to win. Sanchez has so much talent that his removal caused the Yankees to win eight in a row and nine out of ten. Next up is the Pirates and we will see how far this addition by subtraction will take them.

This has created almost a dream scenario for the Yankees. Now that the temporary removals of Gregorius and Sanchez have accomplished their goals, the two men are free to return. The Yankees have to keep up appearances, which is why both must publicly rehab. But my sources are clear that both could return at any time and full strength.

More from Yanks Go Yard

The other surprising aspect is that the Yankees now feel they are slump-proof and in control of the division. And that’s because they have so many players performing at a high level. If someone, or the team, goes into a slump, the Yanks will have plenty of great players to remove from the team…which will ultimately help the team.

Like How my Wife Would be Better off Without Me

Sanchez comes back to a 1-for-30 slump? No problem: someone can just kneecap Chase Headley. Or Michael Pineda gives up three home runs in one outing? Then it will be Starlin Castro’s turn to “get hurt” playing for a Scandinavian country in a quadrennial international baseball tournament.

And this is why no one else can copy the Yankees winning formula. You must be strong in the Force to pull this one off. Even Qui-Gon Jinn cannot do that, and he is powerful enough to conquer death. So, he’s got that going for him. But there is no way the Red Sox or Patriots or Lakers would even attempt it. Yes, they are all evil but are also a bunch of cosmic force wannabes. They are not even powerful in the Star Wars Lego universe.

Yankees Suddenly Are Looking Armed and Dangerous

Because the starters are going deep into games, they have saved the bullpen. All of this has added up to a 2.38 ERA for the entire Yankees pitching staff.

But the Yankees are (all hail Lego Hal!). They are powerful in all the Multiverses. The Yankees can think of ways to win in baseball that no one else had ever thought of, like when Miller Huggins told Babe Ruth to invent the home run. And it worked! Now they have invented a new way to rebuild on the fly.

That’s what we call the Yankees way, and it’s just how we do things ’round here.

*as reported by the Daily Prophet

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