(more…)

NOTE: the format change. The Futility List is all about that… futility. Sure, many another website will give you a nice and clean MLB team/player power rankings, listing the league from top to bottom, but I say let’s just get down with the bottom of the barrel. The Futility List will give you the top ten worst things that went down the previous week, as well as give you a nice picture of a chick with whom your attempts to pick up are futile. This week, we have Brooklyn Decker.

1. Chien-Ming Wang has been one crappy pitcher, which is so obvious, I probably should have just said, “Boy, it sure does suck to get shot.” No crap, Captain Obvious. Let’s look at what Wang did last week: 0-2/2.1 innings/16 ER/61.71 ERA/14 H/3 BB/7.29 WHIP. There’s now talk that Wang might NOT. EVER. PITCH. AGAIN!!! Okay, that’s obviously not going to happen, but maybe Wang needs to take a trip to find his mojo again.

2. Whoever is in charge of the Washington Nationals uniforms because last week during a game, both Ryan Zimmerman and Adam Dunn wore NATINALS across their chest… yes, without the O. What a dumb cck.

3. The anal Nationals general manager Mike Rizzo and manager Manny Acta for suspending Elijah Dukes for being five minutes late because he was signing autographs for Little Leaguers. “Change the culture”… what a crck f ish!

4. Washington Nationals the team (1-10) – They’ve lost three straight games to the Florida Marlins in the ninth inning and their -21 run differential is second worse behind the Arizona Diamondbacks who are at -22. Source of consolation? Not really because at least the D-backs have won more games (4-8).

5. Chris Carpenter was attempting to comeback like L.L. Cool J this season, although you shouldn’t call it that. However, due to an oblique injury, Carpenter will have to wait four to eight weeks to get back onstage to spit his rhymes… I mean throw his pitches.

6. Potential free-agent pitchers signing with the New York Yankees as 20 home runs were hit in four games at the new Yankee Stadium, which is a record for the first four games at a new stadium. Not exactly looking like a place to keep your ERA down if you’re a pitcher.

7. Alyssa Milano is opening up a boutique in Citi Field. Samantha. The chick that tried to jumpstart her career by doing Poison Ivy 2 and getting some ink to show she moved past the child roles. Maybe I’m just hating on her, but why? In related news, Tony Danza will be the store manager and when asked, “Who’s the boss?” he replies, “Alyssa.”

8. New York Yankees attendance, which has to be partly due to the prices… YOU THINK?!?!?!?!

9. Manny Ramirez said that he would go back to play for the Cleveland Indians and that if he and Chicago White Sox DH and former Indians teammate Jim Thome were free agents after this season they should. Problem? Ramirez has an option to renew his contract after this season, so does this mean he won’t? Ah, Manny being Manny.

10. Ryan Zimmerman and the Nats have agreed to a reported 5-year contract worth $45 million and I don’t know why Zimmerman would subject himself to such punishment. The man is obviously a masochist.