CONTEST TIME!

According to an article in the New York Times, for the low price of $20 million you can own part of the New York Metropolitans. Of course, that dough won’t get you any sort of clout or say in personnel decisions, but it will get you something much more worthwhile. Yes, among other things — like a business card that says “owner” — for $20 million you can have all access to Mr. Met.

"Access to Mr. Met, the team mascot, although the degree of access is not entirely spelled out. It definitely means you, as a part-owner, can schmooze with Mr. Met at Citi Field. It’s less clear whether you could get him to come to your child’s birthday party without a fee."

WHAT MORE COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT FOR $20 MILLION?

This got me thinking: what would YOU do with Mr. Met if you had all access? I’m so curious that I’ve decided to run a contest. Whomever responds with the funniest answer will win a free shirt. The shirt is a Kenny Powers Yankees-style shirsey, akin to this. If you don’t know who Kenny Powers is you’re probably not funny enough to win this contest, so don’t enter. Also, the shirt is a large so if you’re a big fatso don’t bother entering.

A few rules:

• Foul language, crude humor, dick jokes and other obscenities: they’re awesome and you most likely won’t win without their help.
• Leave your response in the comments section.
• Multiple entries is fine.
• If there is not a clear-cut winner, we’ll post a poll and everyone can vote on the best one.