Opening Day At The New Yankee Stadium - PREDICTIONS!

Prediction #1: There will be a lot of people in the stadium, of which some will be inebriated, of which some will defile the new stadium with vomit. Grandmothers across the world that still have the plastic covers on their furniture will feel the echoing pain universally.

Prediction #2: There will be many exclamations and profanities uttered and/or yelled in regards to the price of food and drink, which normally wouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary, but it’s so bad that many a rich people will think of how they can sneak in food the next time they come to the stadium like us ghetto folk. Tip: Say you’re on a special medical diet and you can’t eat the park food… it works.

Prediction #3: When Yogi Berra goes to throw the ceremonial first pitch, many people in the crowd, watching on television or though their computers, and listening to the ceremony will sadistically and secretly hope that Yogi falls down on his follow through. Why? Because old people falling over is comedy gold.

Prediction #4: Despite the massive crowds going to the game, someone, perhaps several someones, will get lost on the way to the stadium. Somehow, a law should be passed that anyone that gets lost on the way to the stadium should have their tickets up for grabs and if they want to keep them, they must go through “The Running Man” type of obstacles. And, yes, Jesse Ventura and Richard Dawson should do the commentating.

Prediction #5: Due to the time of the game, 1:05 PM ET, there will be people across the country not fully concentrating on their work as they will follow the game on their computer. This behavior will surprise many employers because employees do not lollygag on their computer during work hours, right? I know I don’t.

Prediction #6: At some point during this post, I will blatantly lie. However, I cannot confirm where that fibbing will be.

Prediction #7: There will not be an incident of a cat coming on the field as the New York Mets had during their new stadium home opener a few days ago. Simply because there is nothing pussy about the Yankees… pre-Alex Rodriguez.

Prediction #8: Ticket scalpers outside the stadium will be promoting a “recession special,” selling seats for ONLY three times the face value. And just like Ticketmaster, they will charge a big ridiculous fee for handling and processing, which amounts to them unbuttoning their jacket, reaching into their inner breast pocket, grabbing the tickets, and handing them over.

Prediction #9: There will be more Yankees fans than Indians fans present at the game.

Prediction #10: First pitch from CC Sabathia will be a strike… Travis Hafner will be the first strikeout… first hit will come from Johnny Damon (although the Yankees faithful will wish it comes from Derek Jeter for so many reasons; but since I’m a genius, it will happen as I say)… first home run will be hit by Grady Sizemore his second time up… Yankees win 5-3 with Sabathia getting the W and Mariano “BEST. CLOSER. EVER” Rivera getting the save.


Tags: CC Sabathia Cleveland Indians Derek Jeter Grady Sizemore Jesse Ventura Johnny Damon Richard Dawson Travis Hafner Yogi Berra

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